This week trying out for John's Job is none other than celebrity journalist and publisher of Steppin' Out Magazine (http://www.steppinoutmagazine.com/), a free publication in the Northern New Jersey community, Human toilet Hayden who has a crooked dick from improper masturbation techniques, bad hair plugs given to him by a garbage man and a tattoo on his back that is mispelled.....good luck this week Human toilet! :hw:

http://greetings.123city.net/TempPictures/43206.jpg

the guy is a no talent idiot. He isn't evil, just dumb as dirt.

He had a weird way of speaking.

JOHN’S JOB

Day 1: Monday May 17th
Candidate: Human toilet Hayden

http://www.howardstern.com/archives/Human toilet3.jpg

Daily Report By,
Human toilet Hayden

As expected, my song parody was demolished by what I like to call "The perfect comedy storm.." (aka Jimmy Kimmel, Howard Stern and Artie Lange). In my bid to get John's job I have decided to play to my strength, which has always been stirring things up and letting the s**t fly. After all what's more fun to listen to, yet another witty song parody or rather the verbal execution of a guy you love to hate? I'm not here to beg for a job or to kiss anyone's ass. Come on, if that's the kind of radio you want to listen to, than let's turn off the lights and hand over the keys to the FCC. What made Stuttering John so entertaining wasn't his ability to write clever song parodies or invent cute games. No, what made Stuttering John interesting was his honesty and willingness to dig up dirt on people and shove it in their face no matter what the consequence. That to me was great radio! Now that John is gone somebody needs to step up to the plate and pick up where that stuttering bastard left off. If you know my history with the show, you know there's nobody better at stirring things up, no matter how big the celebrity or sensitive the situation. I simple don't care what people think of me and I know for a fact that I have no morals or human decency inside of me. I like to think of myself as the weapon Howard brings out only when all else has failed... But... if you really need that clever song parody to get you through your morning I beg you not to vote for me. The only thing I can offer is anger, hate, paranoia, tears, mistakes, ugliness, frustration, fights, naked girls and money..... oh yeah, if I win, I'll give back all $25,000.00 to you the fans. The money will be in Howard's hands and any listener can call in and spend my paycheck on anything Howard feels is worth while... such as getting girls naked, and .... oh yeah, getting girls naked. Sooooo that raps up my first day. Hope you all enjoyed it and I promise the rest of the week will be shocking and historic.... trust me, you'll never forget the next few days! Stay tuned!

-Human toilet

NEXT... i think some people realize after Sal went, there are better and more talented people than john. Human toilet is definitely not one of these people. can you think of ONE thing Human toilet has contributed to the show other than BULLSHIT ? the only thing he has ever done that has been funny is getting ronnie all riled up and going crazy. everytime he calls in he never has any proof to the accusations or claims he makes (see the jennie mccarthy call a few weeks ago, etc). by far the worst contestant thus far, look not further than his magazine and you'll have an idea as to how "great" his contributions to the show can be. :rolleyes:

That chick today was one wacky bitch , but sal's wack-packer is gonna be tough to beat.

JOHN’S JOB

Day 2: Tuesday May 18th
Candidate: Human toilet Hayden]

http://www.howardstern.com/archives/Human toilet3.jpg

Daily Report By,
Human toilet Hayden

Definition of a wack packer: "Someone who is so mentally off the charts that they themselves don't know how amusing they are to others ... meet Katherine Chronis." I met Katherine in 1999 when she appeared as a guest on my now-defunct Internet radio show. She was a home run then and she's a home run now. Granted, Katherine's voice is so annoying that after five minutes you want to puncture your own ear drums. But despite her piercing tone, this former "heroin addict gone wild" is still a bony bag of smelly, hairy flesh who can entertain our demented minds for hours. Overall, I was pleased with how things went this morning. After all, finding a qualified whack packer is a much more difficult task than it would appear ... trust me. That said, I would like to address my new work space ... it's called "The Green Room." Each morning I wake up at 4 a.m. and begin my journey to my temporary new job. I seem to always arrive early, so I park on the street and watch Howard's spanking new super-stretch limo pull into the parking garage. Little does Howard know I accidentally almost smashed into the side of his limo Monday morning when I pulled out too quickly as he passed by. In my defense, Howard's limo is five city blocks long. You keep thinking it's going to end, but it doesn't. Seriously, you could fit a private jet inside this thing! I keep looking to see if Ronnie is the actual driver, but so far I haven't been able to confirm. Anyway, let me get back to ... The Green Room. From the time I enter the Stern building until the time I leave five hours later, I sit in this tiny room. That's what I do. I sit in this room a few doors down the hall from the studio and I pace back and forth, back and forth for literally hours. Once in a while someone will walk by, but rarely are words ever spoken. In fact, so little is said to me by the staff that it kind of reminds me of a war movie where the seasoned soldiers who have been in battle refuse to acknowledge the "new guy," assuming he'll be killed anyway so what's the point? Another thing I noticed that's sort of odd is when food orders are taken for the staff, nobody asks me if I would like something ... again, I just think the vibe is, "Screw it, he'll be gone in a few days, so what's the point?" Anyway, after 48 hours, here's the list of the people who have been nice to me thus far ... Artie, Robin, Ronnie (in his own special way), Doug, Gary (although he has a habit of just walking away from you in mid-sentence), Jason, and Scott. The following are the people who I have a gut feeling don't like me: Fred, Tom, Benji, Robin (E!), all the interns (especially the one who looks like Michelle Pfeiffer), and Ronnie (he swings back and forth). As for Howard Stern ... each day he's said something supportive to me as he's left the building. To me, he's a star on and off the air ... Thanks Howard.

P.S. Wednesday's show will be one never to be forgotten ... mark it on your Beth-O calendar!

-Human toilet
http://www.howardstern.com/archives/Human toilet_crazykathy.jpg http://www.howardstern.com/archives/today_pic.jpg

Here's a copy of Human toilet's song parody. :hw:

That chick today was one wacky bitch , but sal's wack-packer is gonna be tough to beat. yeah, sal's whole week will be hard to beat and Human toilet hasn't done it.
Beet's sister and mom are interesting, altho I seem to recall an E! show where you at least saw the mom on camera.

but, as these are nice people, how often can they be brought in???
sure, howard is great doing an interesting interview with them and it DOES show beet in a different way because he act's nicer when his family is in, but, does that make a great "wack-packer"???

if you look at HPE - he can be brought in over and over again, and what with his fear of fish and disgusting personal habits, he provides endless moments of revoltion and humor. you can NEVER get tired of such a big pile of fat!!!:lol: :lol:

these lovely people: beets family are nice and it made for a good segment today, but does this have "legs"????

only short legs.

Human toilet once again missing the mark.

http://www.sternfannetwork.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=410292

It was somewhat interesting to hear Beet's mother and sister, but it doesn't change how annoying Human toilet is. He is just not very bright and he lies constantly on the air. Seriously, his lack of intelligence is irritating as Hell. Being a moron works for Miss Howard Stern, but not for Human toilet.

Close up shop, Sal is a clear cut above the rest of the candidates for JOhn's job. IT seemed he could do the job consistently day in and day out over the other "contenders".

This guy sucks as a reporter, as he's proven many times.
He sucks on the radio.

Face it Human toilet, maybe you should just stick to fast food technology. I think your girlish voice would sound better when you say, "Would you like to SuperSize that?"

btw, you really made yourself look like the ass when Jenny McCarthy was on the show and you called in. So once again, dude................WHERE'S THE TAPE?

after Human toilets call to the show today i hope he gets last place....try growing some balls and being a man not alittle crybaby bitch.

oh and by way good job insulting the whole voting audience. Calling us all sheep who do what howard says is not a good way to get votes.

truth is you had a good week a really good week but you blew it dick head