TICKET GIVEAWAY!!!
KILLERS OF COMEDY
3/29 STARLAND BALLROOM

http://www.sternfannetwork.com/forum/images/HACKPACKSHIRT.png

I have 5 pairs of general admission / standing room tickets for the March 29th Killers of Comedy Show at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ. It will be Levy, Florentine, Shuli, Sal, Yucko, Beetlejuice, & The Iron Sheik doing 2 shows 6PM & 9PM.

WIN A PAIR: To win a pair of tickets, lets see some photoshops, animations, song parody's, roast jokes, or general ballbusting of any of the boys in the night's show. basically make me laugh at the expense of one of the boys. ( Don't recycle anything or steall from someone else. give me something new and make it funny. )

There are 2 levels of tickets. There's general admission in the back bar and seats at long tables down by the stage. It's a very sweet setup and though it holds a ton of people, it's still the kind of place where the comedians can make fun of you. The manager really took care of us last time by seating us at the couches by the side bar. It was like watching the show in my living room. Not only did we love it, but every single person I've talked to who hit that show has had nothing but great stuff to say about the venue.

Info about the Starland Ballroom can be found here.
www.StarlandBallroom.com

You can tickets online right now @ Ticketmaster!
http://www.ticketmaster.com/venueartist/929/1018095

How do you Win them?

Big group of us from here are going, I already got my ticket, but I am sure people from the group would love a pair :bigup:

How do you Win them?

sorry

WIN A PAIR: To win a pair of tickets, lets see some photoshops, animations, song parody's, roast jokes, or general ballbusting of any of the boys in the night's show. basically make me laugh at the expense of one of the boys. ( Don't recycle anything or steall from someone else. give me something new and make it funny. )

TICKET GIVEAWAY!!!
KILLERS OF COMEDY
3/29 STARLAND BALLROOM

http://www.sternfannetwork.com/forum/images/HACKPACKSHIRT.png

I have 5 pairs of general admission / standing room tickets for the March 29th Killers of Comedy Show at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ. It will be Levy, Florentine, Shuli, Sal, Yucko, Beetlejuice, & The Iron Sheik doing 2 shows 6PM & 9PM.

WIN A PAIR: To win a pair of tickets, lets see some photoshops, animations, song parody's, roast jokes, or general ballbusting of any of the boys in the night's show. basically make me laugh at the expense of one of the boys. ( Don't recycle anything or steall from someone else. give me something new and make it funny. )

There are 2 levels of tickets. There's general admission in the back bar and seats at long tables down by the stage. It's a very sweet setup and though it holds a ton of people, it's still the kind of place where the comedians can make fun of you. The manager really took care of us last time by seating us at the couches by the side bar. It was like watching the show in my living room. Not only did we love it, but every single person I've talked to who hit that show has had nothing but great stuff to say about the venue.

Info about the Starland Ballroom can be found here.
www.StarlandBallroom.com

You can tickets online right now @ Ticketmaster!
http://www.ticketmaster.com/venueartist/929/1018095 nice..this is a great place to see a show :cool:

:hw: already got my tix, but recommend this gig to any sfners. see ya there mutt and chris.

nice..this is a great place to see a show :cool: http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x120/RobertoRoberts/IMG00220-1.jpg

I got mine.. I expect the funny! and a pic :hw:

:hw: already got my tix, but recommend this gig to any sfners. see ya there mutt and chris. see ya there :gwave:

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x120/RobertoRoberts/IMG00220-1.jpg

I got mine.. I expect the funny! and a pic :hw: those are still the wrong time :mad:

those are still the wrong time :mad: I haven't taken a pic of the 9pm ones yet.. :D

see ya there :gwave: :tu: bringing someone to make your new av happy bud.

:tu: bringing someone to make your new av happy bud. :cool: :cool: :cool: just keep her quiet :jj:

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x120/RobertoRoberts/IMG00220-1.jpg

I got mine.. I expect the funny! and a pic :hw: you will get both :cool:

you will get both :cool: :btu: u da man.. my first KOC show.. im gonna pop my comedy hymen :p

you will get both :cool: :btu: u da man.. my first KOC show.. im gonna pop my comedy hymen :p

can i get a pair of tix?

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x120/RobertoRoberts/IMG00220-1.jpg

I got mine.. I expect the funny! and a pic :hw:

When Beet Attacks

http://www.rrruploader.com//files/139/revnew.gif

Bob On the Rack

http://www.rrruploader.com//files/139/bobontherack.gif

Sal and the Kid

http://www.rrruploader.com//files/139/robinletmesee.gif

edit... wrong thread...

edit... wrong thread...


ahh but it was funny

http://i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj116/MisterMeener/snlart.gif

I Love You, You Love Me, We Love Killers Of Comedy, With A Great Big Laugh When They Pick On You And Me, I'd love to see Sal, Beet & Levy! I Love You, You Love Me, We Love Killers Of Comedy, W/ Tears In My Eyes I'll Laugh Til I Pee, Please Let Me See Jim, Yuck, Sheik, & Shuli! :o my kids watch too much barney ;)

Well you said a song parody, gotta admit, it sounds good lol :ok:

lets get some more people involved in this thing. you know you wanna come out, so lets see what you've got.

http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i275/mdshul/jdmcl.jpg

OK Here's 1 thats alil more serious then Barney lol I woulda attached the audio but still need my 30 ;)

A parody of Garth Brooks' 'The Thunder Rolls'

The Laughter Rolls

Six or nine in the evening
Either one is alright
Sayreville sounds like a great place
To spend a Saturday night
Had stomach pain from laughing
At the Ramada inn
I’ll be back for some more
If you say that I win
And the laughter rolls
And the laughter rolls

The wifey’s dyin’
To go out of town
She’s home with three children
From dawn till dawn
Listenin’ to Serious
Chatin’ on the sites
Caren’ for her husband
Who makes sure their all right
And the laughter rolls
And the laughter rolls

The laughter rolls
As Bob Levy strikes
And Shuli’s head
Looks like a moon at night
As the show goes on
I’ll lose control
Deep into the night
The laughter rolls

We just got our tickets
For the show on Friday night
Be nice to hang out Saturday
In seats that are tight
The Sheik says ‘you are faggot’
And ‘a fucking Jew'
And Beet is such a midget
And we love Yucko too
And the laughter rolls
And the laughter rolls

The laughter rolls
As Bob Levy strikes
And Shuli’s head
Looks like a moon at night
As the show goes on
I’ll lose control
Deep into the night
The laughter rolls

No I didn’t forget
Jim Florentine and Sal
I’m just loosing my mind
And that’s no wives tail
If you got tickets to give
Then smizzy’s the one
They’ll be ready for laughter
Till the weekend is done
:D

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg76/Heatherwiz/002.jpg

In as well.. I had no talent to try and win tickets so I bought them.

In as well.. I had no talent to try and win tickets so I bought them.

sweet :bwtd:

Now this is a party :party:

havent got my tx yet :(

Mutt, check out my parody songs, only one that's been played through on the show, and let me know if they are ticket-worthy!

My parody songs (http://johndeguzman.com/howard.html)

Thanks!

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg76/Heatherwiz/002.jpg

In as well.. I had no talent to try and win tickets so I bought them.


:lol:

http://www.rrruploader.com//files/139/boblevyandDB2.gif

Shit I live 20 minutes from Starland, and forgot all about this show. I gotta grab me some tix.

edit

guys, if you want em get to work. have to pick winners in the next couple days. I've got 5 pair to give away

http://www.rrruploader.com//files/139/boblevyandDB2.gif :jj:

I'll think of another song and type it up tonight... if its possable to win 2 sets i got ppl to bring ;) :D

See ya fuckers there!

In as well.. I had no talent to try and win tickets so I bought them.

In :D

http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k157/Chris3mes1/Random/IMG_0026.jpg

NO PHOTOSHOPS? I can't believe it. it's this week guys so if you were holding out, get on it. I want these tickets to got to real fans who'll appreciate them.

NO PHOTOSHOPS? I can't believe it. it's this week guys so if you were holding out, get on it. I want these tickets to got to real fans who'll appreciate them.

i think all the real fans already bought theirs. a big group of us already have them

IN

NO PHOTOSHOPS? I can't believe it. it's this week guys so if you were holding out, get on it. I want these tickets to got to real fans who'll appreciate them. any photoshop i do will be viewed as ivan made it..so i cant enter..but i really want some tickets...:) :pray:

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff98/dgold13/chrishansen-revbob.jpg




I would really like some tickets

In :D

http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k157/Chris3mes1/Random/IMG_0026.jpg

:lol:

I need my free tickets before some talented photoshoppers show up

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff98/dgold13/purplefistrev-bob.jpg

Mutt-
I wanted to do an artistic representation of the love between Jim and Robin. To me, their love knows no racial bounds. This is how their love makes me feel inside. I would love to go to the Starland Ballroom show. Enjoy:


http://aycu05.webshots.com/image/48084/2004267160462856311_rs.jpg

PS... I'm a poor student and a huge fan and could really use the tickets. Thanks Mutt.

Wish I knew if I was gunna win a pair of them tickets so I could make travel plans for the Friday/Saturday party... :D Already got a sitter... Please Oh Please Mutt I'm dying to get away for 2 days :cool:

come on Mutt, you asked for photoshops. I am no doc Ivan, but I'm trying.

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff98/dgold13/boysrangergame.jpg

http://i276.photobucket.com/albums/kk12/jrzguyfla/bluecheese.jpg

I suck at this, but heres a whirl. Oh and Bob uses the blue cheese to cover the permanant dirty sanchez.

I'm giving these away tomorrow Wed March 26

You may not post attachments

I did a photo shop but am still restricted:(

You may not post attachments

I did a photo shop but am still restricted:(

Send it to me in an e-mail. I will post it for you.
Hopefully we both can win some tickets.

send to dgold13@excite.com
put SFN in the subject line.

One last entry from me before the contest ends.
http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff98/dgold13/killers-A-teamcopy.jpg

kind of weak, but I don't have time to play with the colors.

Hey Mutt-
Just wanted to let you know I'm totally interested in the tickets still and will 100% attend if you give me a pair. Thanks.

I have 5 pairs of general admission / standing room tickets for the March 29th Killers of Comedy Show at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ. It will be Levy, Florentine, Shuli, Sal, Yucko, Beetlejuice, & The Iron Sheik doing 2 shows 6PM & 9PM.

WIN A PAIR: To win a pair of tickets, lets see some photoshops, animations, song parody's, roast jokes, or general ballbusting of any of the boys in the night's show. basically make me laugh at the expense of one of the boys. ( Don't recycle anything or steall from someone else. give me something new and make it funny. )





This parody is called

Emotional Friend------------------------->love ya Sal


.

toady after work they go.

I need my free tickets before some talented photoshoppers show up

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff98/dgold13/purplefistrev-bob.jpg

I vote for this one cause you used my hand :) lol..

I vote for this one cause you used my hand :) lol..

Thank you for your vote, and the use of your lovely hand. :D

When Beet Attacks

http://www.rrruploader.com//files/139/revnew.gif

I can't see any of these pics

OK, here's who gets em


GoodyDickman's Emotional Friend gets a pair

dgold13's A-Team gets a pair

Smizzy23's Barney gets a pair

yazoo get's a pair just for trying so hard. can't see the pics.

buddysgirl get's a pair just for the fuck of it



make sure your full name is listed in your profile. I'm sending the list today. tickets are general admission and will be left at the box office. You'll need to bring your ID.

If you can't make it, don't let them go to waste. one of the other SFNers would love to have them.

Smizzy23 & yazoo, I don't know your names. come on!!
Shark58 is nipping at your heels ready to scoff em up.

Thank you Mutt!
I'm sure it will be a great time.
Are the tickets for the 6:00 pm show or the 9:00pm show?

Thank you Mutt!
I'm sure it will be a great time.
Are the tickets for the 6:00 pm show or the 9:00pm show?

that's a good fuckin question. i'll find out

sry i'm new to this... what do u need to know and how do i tell ya? got 1/2hr til i can talk here again lol

Thank you Mutt!
I'm sure it will be a great time.
Are the tickets for the 6:00 pm show or the 9:00pm show?

the early show. doors open at 6, show live at 7

sry i'm new to this... what do u need to know and how do i tell ya? got 1/2hr til i can talk here again lol

I emailed you. just mail me back with your real name.

SWEET FROM HOUSE OF BLUES TO STARLAND BALLROOM GONNA BE HARD TO TOP THJIS WEEKEND THAK YOU FOR THE TICS MAN :cool:

still waitng on yazoo. need your name

Man, I'm pretty disappointed I didn't win a pair; if any fall through, let me know and I'll definately pick them up. Take care.

yazoo

if I don't hear from you by 9AM, I'll have to pick another name. hopefully you read your mail in the morning

yazoo

if I don't hear from you by 9AM, I'll have to pick another name. hopefully you read your mail in the morning Oooooo Oooooooo pick me......I desperately need tickets. I'm going to the gathering but don't have tix :(

Work has been slow and I can't afford to buy a pair. :( :( :( :sk:

Mutt Give them to the next person. Sorry for the delay! Only Post during the day!!!

Mutt Give them to the next person. Sorry for the delay! Only Post during the day!!!

do you not want to give me your name? i'm not going to do anything weird with it. the box office needs it, that's all. just answer my email with your name and they are yours.

:pray:

Oooooo Oooooooo pick me......I desperately need tickets. I'm going to the gathering but don't have tix :(

Work has been slow and I can't afford to buy a pair. :( :( :( :sk:

ok, yazoo passed. it's yours

everyone has been emailed & the names were put in.

Enjoy Satan's Driver!

Man Mutt, you looked me over again. I must have done something wrong. :(

HAVE FUN FUCKER!!!

awesome....I live in Staten Island near the Outerbridge Crossing.....

This gig is about 5 minutes from my house......

whose goin to this show.....

Let meet before hand for drinks.....

please email my aol account....

GoodyDickman@aol.com

Bobby

thanks Mutt

ok, yazoo passed. it's yours

everyone has been emailed & the names were put in. Thanks Mutt!!!! Thanks Yazoo!!!

thanx mutt, i was looking in the wrong thread...my bad..much appreciated..you are the man

thanx mutt, i was looking in the wrong thread...my bad..much appreciated..you are the man

You only deserve good things my friend.

did I win yet?

Heading up there in a lil bit, hope to see you all there :)

Hope you have a blast Wiz!

Round 2 tonight. :D

How was Round 1?

:p

Got Home From The Early Show Alil While Ago... The Crowed Was The Best But Who Knows How We Got In And Out Of That Place lol

Got There Alil Late But Just In Time For The Show...

TY Again Mutt! Were It Not For Your Tickets We'd Have Missed Out!

This Being Our 3rd Show In A Month And Even The Jokes That Were Repeated Had Us Rolling!!!

The show was fuckin great......Thanks Mutt......

I got the chance to hang out with everybody.....

I told Jim not to kick my ass for my Robin parodies.....He told me they are hysterical and keep doin what your doin......lol....He gave me his private email address.....He was just so down to earth.....He loves my Robins Squeeze box song.....lol

Yucko and Nicole are the 2 nicest people you ever met and Nicole is supermodel material in person !!!!.......I sure hope Yucko looks like Brad Pitt under all that make-up.....Nicole is the next Christy Brinkley......

Rev Bob invited me to sing on-stage my Robins Squeeze Box and Artie Hero song parodies at his next local gig....He doesnt know it but we grew up only a few blocks from each other....Im pretty sure Rev grew up in Great Kills....

I exchanged email addresses with Howards good friend from the NBC daze, Al Rosenberg ......

Jim introduced me to Michelle Ferrell.......

I went up to the bar during the show and asked for a shot of Jose Cuevo tequila and a heineken chaser....A bunch of people heard my voice and asked me if I'm the CHORIZO guy.....I said yes and we hung out together all night....after the show , we all went to my car and I broke out the 3 hydro joints with blonde hash I had stashed away and we tailgated for a few hours.....a good time for all.......

thanks Mutt

I love you Rev Bob....email me when you can....I wanna do that ARTIE thing we talked about last night.....

Bobby

they must all still be sleeping! :D

Wonder How Long Til Videos Pops Up On YouTube...
Gotta Love The Girls That Get Involved In The Show...

You Know Your A True Fan When Ya Let Beet Eat Your Ass! :booty2:

KOC 3/29/08

I had a great time last night.
Before the show I got to meet Jim Florentine and Beet, Having a conversation with Beet was quite an expereince. I highly recomend it, if you get the chance. Jim was great, I felt like I was talking to an old friend, in fact my buddy thought I was.
After the show I met Sal and Rev Bob, both were great and seemed genuinely happy to hang and talk.

THANK YOU MUTT! for the tickets

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff98/dgold13/Killers3-29-08.jpg

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff98/dgold13/KOCMe.jpg

We just saw there's a new comedy club in Easton PA... will prob. be just like Levittown...
Thats Where you wanna go to hang out w/ the KOC...

there all awsome in person just like on the air... woohoo Miz men tonight!!!

Had too much fun last night and today. Pics later..

Had too much fun last night and today. Pics later..

Woot! i'm ready for the pics.

Had too much fun last night and today. Pics later.. :wub: so much fun honey. thanks for waking me up at 9 am and cuddling. left norton and otto about 6 am so 3 hours sleep was just peachy. :D :rolleyes:

i'll try to get my pix up. still road weary from the ride back.

:wub: so much fun honey. thanks for waking me up at 9 am and cuddling. left norton and otto about 6 am so 3 hours sleep was just peachy. :D :rolleyes:

i'll try to get my pix up. still road weary from the ride back.


hey daddy!!!! we just got back a little while ago too, of course queef boy is wicked tired and i am wired!???? GO FIGURE???? LOL........................anyways he demands love and attention :rolleyes:
THE HARSH MISTRESS MUST GO AND ATTEND :p


THANK YOU AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING MY DARLING FRIEND, PAL O' MINE!!!!


QB can't type for shit but he says, " he loves you uncle and can't wait to bump cocks real soon!"

just kidding, that was me, but he says, "thank you" but is barely audible due to his lack of good sleep and a wicked hangover-LOL :D

I am fine cuz i drank hardly anything, cheap date!!!!!

well WE BOTH LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH and had a freaking BLAST!!!!


don't post the pics of me in the party pants till I see it first, it must be "Eve approved" LOL


Seriously those pants were CRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZy and i need to see how it looks on film......LOL :p :p :p


Love Eve

:hw: eve and sal.

http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o160/jakkurt/march29sayerville015.jpg

Eve is just absolutely beautiful.

I still wish I would of asked for a picture with her in Levittown

rob ryan, shuli , stiffy and dharmabum. 9 pm show.
:bwtd: love shuli's maiden shirt.

http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o160/jakkurt/march29sayerville013.jpg

great show, nice meeting stiffy, eve, qeefboy, gwiz, rob & wifey, and seeing all the gang again :btu:

Mutt, I really truly apologize, I just couldn't find another way to get this to you. This is Patrick from the Howard 100 News Clips with Bigfoot and Steve Langford. I just wanted you to know and have this: The actual unknown story of what really happened with Bigfoot up in VT.
As Mark Friggin said, it's pretty mindblowingly insane. Thx Mutt

I’ll admit it, I was bombed that night when I left to go pick up Bigfoot. I was so nervous to drive 8 hours to the Canadian border and put somebody in my car that had a rap-sheet longer than a roll of toilet paper that I needed multiple drinks.

This is the truth, the true story I’ve told my friends about what really happened during a week in the life of Bigfoot. Steve Langford, who is an outstanding reporter and a trustworthy friend, knows a lot, but he doesn’t know all of this.

I left to go pick up Bigfoot on Thursday, March 13, at around 9 pm from a bar that I sometimes work at. It was foggy and my wife had little idea of where I was going or what I was doing. Being that I’m a writer who works on quarterly checks you can understand when I tell you that I was about out of cash. My wife makes a lot of money, but she knows full well who Bigfoot is and wanted no part of this. Unfortunately, she’s still finding bank statements and threatening my life to this day. That night I took 60 dollars cash with me on my journey that’s it, sixty. –Four hundred and twenty miles one way, I still hadn’t even filled up my Mother’s minivan yet, and I was leaving with sixty bucks. Wait until I tell you about running out of gas.

I drove all through the night to the sound of my phone blowing up and Bigfoot wondering where the hell I was. I told him I was leaving at 5’oclock that night to come get him, which meant I was four hours behind his schedule. He was already pissed and I hadn’t even met him yet.

After the G.W. Bridge, a tank of gas and some tolls I was down to twenty seven dollars, at around 2 am my phone finally stopped ringing, I could only imagine that Bigfoot had finally passed out. I reached Newport at 5 am, the minivan was on vapors. Since I had to put even more gas in on the way up to Vermont I was down to four dollars and change.
I knew there was no way that four bucks was getting me home, so I headed to the only all-night gas station around. I begged and pleaded with the lady behind the counter to let me use my wife’s credit card number that I memorized to fill up with gas. After finally telling her and her manager that I was there to pick up Bigfoot and remove him from town limits and give him a new home, they let me fill up my tank with glee.

Bigfoot finally woke up and answered his motel room door at 8 am. He answered the door virtually naked and told me to come right in. In the room were over twenty 2 liter bottles of soda, more than half of which were already empty. There were freezer bags full of pills that Bigfoot offered me, which I would’ve always accepted, but with the state of my surroundings I was just too uneasy.

Bigfoot then told me to come into the elevator-sized bathroom with him to smoke a joint.
I followed him in there as he shut the door behind me. We were in there for at least 20 minutes with him on top of me in his underwear. That’s when he began showing me where all the bedbugs and scabies had gotten him; his skin was literally crawling with shit. When he saw me eventually itching myself I told him I had to get out.

After an hour or so of smoking more pot I put Bigfoot in my Mother’s minivan and drove him around Newport to let him run his errands. Following him around all day was like following someone that was lit on fire and burning alive, everyone was watching us.
We had a great time that day. He showed me his Cadillac that was buried in a fifteen foot snow drift and then we went back to his motel room and smoked even more pot. That was around the time when he told me he wasn’t ready to leave the motel yet, he was explicit in his guttural voice. “I have enough money to stay here another night, it is. You need to go get a room too, it is, and we’ll leave maybe tomorrow.”

I started to freak. I knew that the full tank of gas I swindled that morning was going to barely get me back to New Jersey, and four dollars was definitely not enough for a motel room, so I told Bigfoot the truth, mixed in with a little bit of a lie. I told him: “Bigfoot listen, I lost my wallet. My wife is going to meet me halfway between here and New Jersey to drop me off more money. I’m leaving right now, but I’ll be back for you soon.” He didn’t believe me at all.

So I left Newport, Vermont that Friday afternoon and promised Bigfoot that however long this took me, I would be back for him; he started to see the seriousness in my face and somewhat believed me. As I was leaving was about when he told me. “Hey, I don’t shower or go to the bathroom unless someone else is around to guard the door, so hurry up, it is.” I quickly got in the van and paid little to no attention to the words he sent me off with.

That night around 9 o’clock I was still driving home. The gas needle dropped as I prayed for New Jersey to hurry up and show itself already. Somewhere around the Palisades Parkway and Nyack, New York I made a wrong turn. That’s when the gaslight came on. For sixty miles that light stayed on as the needle buried itself in the deepest bowels of the gauge. When I finally reached the Main Street of my hometown, I ran out of gas, and it was pouring.

For the next three days Bigfoot detonated my cell phone. Every night and day he wondered when the hell I was coming back to the Canadian border for him. To hold him off I bought him his motel room night after night. I ordered Chinese food and begged and pleaded with the employees in some kind of broken Mandarin/English accent to just walk 50 feet, drop the food by room 34 of the Newport City Motel and walk away, because the man inside was most likely naked and couldn’t read or write.

Day after day I secretly spent money off my wife and mine’s credit card to house, feed, and allow Bigfoot time to talk on the phone. When Tuesday came I finally had enough.

Tuesday morning at 2:30 am I snuck out of bed, tiptoed past my wife’s sleeping head, withdrew $170 dollars from the nearest ATM and began my second trip to the Canadian border. I was so exhausted, anxious, nervous, and sick because of all the sneaking around I’d done that I didn’t even think about what lay in store for me when I got there.

From 2:30 am to 5:30 am as I drove through New York and Connecticut, I pulled over every twenty minutes on the dot and proceeded to throw up, go to the bathroom, and take a nap. I was green I was such a mess.

I started to wake up and feel a little better at dawn. After nine full hours of driving, with the motel front desk calling me, asking when I was going to be there to evacuate the freak show they say they hadn’t seen since the day I left, I arrived in the parking lot at
11: 45 am. I got out of and took a deep breath.

I walked across the motel parking lot and through the construction they had going and soon found myself standing in front of room 34. I took an even bigger breath and knocked. There was no answer. I knocked again, and still nothing. One of the guys working on the motel yelled down from his latter. “Hey, he’s in there… I saw him poke his head out a couple times.”

I thanked the man and turned back around, now starting to fully realize that something was most likely dreadfully wrong. I knocked again. I heard him. “Who is it?” He yelled.

“It’s Patrick,” I hollered back. “Open the door.” Without a sound the door flew wide, but there was nobody in the doorway. And then I saw the room. A gang of chimpanzees on speed couldn’t have accomplished what I was looking at. I was trying to figure out just what it was that was all over the carpet and walls, and then the smell wafted out. It was unmistakable that the room was spackled in human shit.

Before I even had a chance to digest what I was looking at Bigfoot showed himself from behind the door. Good God did I almost fall down. Now forget about the room, what was standing in front of me was astronomically foul and horrifying to look at.

Bigfoot was standing there in tighty-whities covered head to toe in fecal matter. The underwear which was surprisingly three sizes too big for him was somehow hanging off his body and then shoved up his ass, all stuck together by one big glob of shit. It was on his face and in his hair. And he stood there looking at me, about to recite the most comical words I’ve heard to date, “What, you don’t want to come in?”

Against all that I stood for I stepped inside as he shut the door behind me. I was heaving right in front of him as he told me that he’d already warned me. “I warned you, it is… I told you I don’t go to no bathroom or shower if nobody else is around to guard the door.”

I didn’t even answer him. I just ran outside and started gagging and retching. Then I walked over to the motel office, I stepped inside. The girl that I talked to on the phone all week while setting up Bigfoot’s room payments saw I wasn’t well. I told her. “Miss, I don’t know what to do… barring some kind of meteor hitting Earth I saw no way of me not leaving here today without Bigfoot. But we’ve got a bit of a situation here.” She didn’t want to hear it. “You have a responsibility, you put him up.” I gave her a look and turned and walked outside as she informed me. “You have about another half hour before I call the cops, or you can pay for another night.” I headed back to room 34.

Bigfoot was hysterical. “You keep leaving me! We’ll never get out of here if you keep walking away! I need clothes, I need two pairs of everything, it is! I need this inscription filled so my bedbugs and scabies go away, and then maybe I’ll think about taking a shower. Then we have to talk.” I started gagging again as I stood there trying to think of what to do. “Give me your prescription and I’ll go get it filled for you, I’ll try to pick you some clothes up too.”

Bigfoot handed me the prescription and his medical cards and told me to hurry up. Everything he handed was now covered in shit. I ran out the door and jumped in the car and headed for downtown Newport. I was talking to myself heavily about why I was such an idiot for even suggesting that I could try and help this man.

I stopped and picked Bigfoot up some sweatpants and a T shirt. Then I thought about what to do next. I decided to call Steve Langford from the Howard 100 news and give him a little update about what kind of shit storm I just walked into. He was speechless. I asked for his advice but what could he say?

Then the motel called me. It was the girl. “You have 15 minutes to get him out of here before we call the cops, sir.” I explained to her that I was about at wits end, and that my responsibility to this situation equated to zero. That’s when she told me his caseworker was standing right next to her. I told her to put him on.

He was somewhat of a nice guy, but he too informed me that I had an element of responsibility here. After handing the pharmacist the shit covered prescription I rushed back to the motel for what would be the last time. I knocked on room 34 again, stepped inside and handed Bigfoot his new sweatpants and T shirt that I just dropped 25 bucks on. I started full out heaving again as I carefully explained to Bigfoot that if he didn’t get in the shower and vacate the premises the cops were on their way.

Bigfoot then lost what little control he had left. In the time I’d been gone Bigfoot had constructed a towering pile of pills on the nightstand. When he heard the word cops he just began ranting and raving in circles, out of control. In the midst of this I slipped out the door and walked one last time to the motel office. I stood at the counter and told the lady. “I informed Bigfoot that if he didn’t get out immediately the authorities were coming. As for me I’m done here… do whatever you want, I know my rights.”

And with that I jumped into my car and sped back off toward the highway, greatly excited for another nine hour drive. Somewhere within the first thirty miles of the return trip my cell phone rang. It was a Vermont number but I didn’t recognize it. I listened to the message. It was the Newport City Police and they wanted to know exactly what my role was in all of this. I found the nearest rest stop and pulled over.

An officer answered the phone. Immediately all I could hear was Bigfoot screaming and hollering in the background. I informed the officer. “Sir, if you were anybody else I’d give you the skinny on this. But since you’re a police officer I’m going to tell you the whole story, so nothing is misunderstood here.”

For the next fifteen minutes I proceeded to dazzle this cop with a tale that had him responding every so often with, “You did what?” By the middle of the saga I had the guy rolling with laughter, and when I was finished we left off almost friends.

I got back that Tuesday night, March 18, at around 10pm. My wife saw the exhaustion in my face, so she just let me be. The next day, after a week of not bothering, my wife looked our bank statement. Following screams, threats of arrest for theft, and flying objects she finally packed her bags and moved across town with her friend.

So in the end Bigfoot might’ve cost me a week of my life, 800 dollars, my wife, and who knows how much more. Do you know why, because he still calls me.

Had a good time. Wish I was at the later show with everybody, but beggers cant be choosers ;)

Thanks again Mutt!!! I appreciate it!! :D

great show, nice meeting stiffy, eve, qeefboy, gwiz, rob & wifey, and seeing all the gang again :btu:

Oh I see how it is!! :D

Oh I see how it is!! :D

SHIT! of course the great heatherwiz :bow:

SHIT! of course the great heatherwiz :bow: :bn: :jj:

:bn: :jj:

who me?

http://i100.photobucket.com/albums/m16/norton73/stern%20related%20pics/beetcrazy.gif

SHIT! of course the great heatherwiz :bow:

:love:

:bn: :jj:

You are a good snuggler Kurt. I almost feel bad for being a pest, hope you got some good sleep last night :D

:love: Hows the tooth??? :D

Hows the tooth??? :D

it is a lot better actually.. gonna hit the dentist this week.. what a dumb fuck I am!

You are a good snuggler Kurt. I almost feel bad for being a pest, hope you got some good sleep last night :D :no: i was up till 4 am posting pics here and listening to hook.

i wish i didnt forget about this and miss it haha

ok..here are my pix from the show... http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix043.jpg http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix047.jpg http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix048.jpg bob is so great how he gets right with the audience...i love it.. http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix049.jpg iron sheik... http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix052.jpg http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix053.jpg

moar sheik http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix054.jpg http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix056.jpg here they tell beet he is kentucky http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix058.jpg http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix059.jpg http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix060.jpg look at bobs expression .... http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix061.jpg http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix062.jpg

we all know what is coming up..here we go.. http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix063.jpg http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f373/jesseslittlegirl/bobsclubpix065.jpg

thanx so much for an awesome show guys and thanx for the tx mutt...loved the show indeed...