Win tickets to see Artie Lange at NJ’s Starland Ballroom

[Mutt]

GIVEAWAY : 20 WINNERS, 44 TICKETS, 3 SHOWS

I have tickets to giveaway for the March 28th Levy / Florentine / Dipaolo comedy shows at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville NJ. The Starland is a great venue with multiple bars, long tables up front, & couches off to the side. Even though it holds a ton of people, it's not so big that you can't enjoy the show. I highly recommend the place. Check it out here http://www.starlandballroom.com

I have 10 pairs for the 7PM show & another 10 pairs for the 10PM show so I need to pick 20 fans to give them to. As a bonus I have some Artie tickets for his May 9th Starland show. One of the 7PM winner will get a pair & so will one of the 10PM winners. That's some good shit right there.

It's almost like catching Artie's USO show without the shit smell & mortar fire.


So, how do you win them you ask? Tell me a joke & make it a good one. You get 1 entry with 1 joke. Post it here & be sure to tell me what shows you are available for.

Florentine • Dipaolo • Levy
Starland Ballroom, NJ

Plus Chris Johnston + Joe Conte! An all-ages to enter, 21 to drink comedy event

Saturday, March 28th - Doors 6PM, Shows 7PM & 10PM
$30 general admission seating, $15 general admission standing,. $50 VIP ticket inc. upfront seats, StarParking, a Starland T-shirt and meet and greet.

Buy Tickets Online at Ticketmaster

Artie Lange
Starland Ballroom, NJ

An all-ages to enter, 21 to drink event.

Saturday, May 9th / Doors 8:00PM
$49.50 + applicable surcharges

Buy Tickets Online at Ticketmaster

[Hardin Thicke]

Anyone know who is on the May 1st lineup with Artie at Westbury?

[Call Me God]

how much does it cost

[ciphe]

wanna hear me tell a joke? knock....knock.....go fuck ya self

did I win??? available for any show..beggers can't be choosers

[dgold13]

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top?” she asked. “That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered. “So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, “Well, we’re not having any of that faggot shit in our garden.”




Mutt, If you pick me, I would love to go to the Artie show, I am available for the other shows also. I'll be happy with whatever you give me.
Thanks.

[Kinski]

Bill worked his whole life in a pickle factory. He came home from work one night and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was furious: "You've given them twenty years of devoted service! Why'd they fire you?"

"Well, for twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my dick in the pickle slicer," he explained, "and today I finally did it."

In shock, she ran over and pulled his pants and underwear down.

"You look okay," she said with a sigh of relief. "What happened to the pickle slicer?"

"They fired her, too," He said.

------------------

I can't go to any of the shows, but if I win, can I give them to one of my old poker buddies here on SFN?

[JerzeyMike]

Beth goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse.
"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
"I can't," says the Beth. "That's the only night I'm home with Howard."



It be cool to see Artie (a)live.

[p1nker]

What do you call two Vietnamese in a Dodge Charger??
















The gooks of Hazzard...

[p1nker]

and I don't want the tix... I just wanted to throw out a "Nuprin" joke..

[BARNZsongwriter]

Mutt.... Please give me tickets to either of the shows, why? Because I asked and I'm a nice guy. I don't have a joke, but here's one I stole from the internet:

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.”

For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says.

Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.”

The moral: Life’s tough, but it’s even tougher when you’re stupid.

[MattySchweiks]

women's rights

[Kinski]

Originally Posted by BARNZsongwriter

I don't have a joke, but here's one I stole from the internet:

Were we not supposed to steal it from the internet?

[JakeDog]

YouTube - Howard Stern on Working Fridays

YouTube - Howard Stern on Working Fridays

[BARNZsongwriter]

Originally Posted by JakeDog

YouTube - Howard Stern on Working Fridays

WOW!!! Howard says alot to fill the hours of his show, but if this is the way he really feels about not working Fridays he needs to MAN UP! Just Saying.

[acdoozie]

WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
They don't stop to ask directions


Available for both shows (7 or 10).

[tabrigg]

I asked Natasha Richardson if she would ever have sex with me?
She said sure..if I was brain dead!


The Artie Lange tickets!! 10:00 PM show

[ProPogoPlayer]

too much work, i'am no Artie!

[sXeChic]

I don't want to win tickets (since I'm in Oregon) but I love this one.

Is that Armani you're wearing? Salvation Armani?

[Pussah2]

3 ladies are in the waiting room at the doctor's office
1st woman says, im going to have a boy because I was on top when we did it
2nd woman goes, im going to have a girl because I was on the bottom when we did it
3rd woman says fuck im going to have a puppy!



I can do the 7pm show

[Scottsbaldhead]

Originally Posted by tabrigg

I asked Natasha Richardson if she would ever have sex with me?
She said sure..if I was brain dead!


The Artie Lange tickets!! 10:00 PM show

FAIL. No Tix for you

[Scottsbaldhead]

Originally Posted by acdoozie

WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
They don't stop to ask directions


Available for both shows (7 or 10).

Winner!!!!!!!

[Scottsbaldhead]

Originally Posted by JerzeyMike

Beth goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse.
"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
"I can't," says the Beth. "That's the only night I'm home with Howard."



It be cool to see Artie (a)live.

FAIL...............

[IVARR]

Originally Posted by acdoozie

WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
They don't stop to ask directions


Available for both shows (7 or 10).

wouldn't the 10:00 pm show be better ???

[Fenderbaum]

On a shopping trip to the city a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished.

"Look what I have done, Fred," he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.

"That is surely something, Fender. How long did it take you?"

"Only two weeks."

"Never done a puzzle myself," Fred said. "Is two weeks fast?"

"Darn tooting," Fender said. "Look at the box. It says, 'From two to four years."




I am available for either show, but I prefer the later one. Thank you.

[shunia400]

A little East Indian boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking.
He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.
Look, mom, I'm a white boy!'
His mom slaps him in the face and says; Go show your father'.
He goes to his dad in the living room and says; look dad, I'm a white boy.'
His dad slaps him hard in the face and says; Go show your grandmother.'
The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says; look granny, I'm a white boy
His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says; 'Now, did you learn anything from that?'
To which the little boy replies; I Sure did.
I've only been white for five minutes and I already hate you fucking Pakies!