|
Note: This is a Text only archive. Go directly to the real forum.
Liberals and Conservatives
- Click HERE to go to the original thread with graphics
banner
| Liberals and Conservatives
- Click HERE to go to the original thread with graphics
|
| Ironpirate |
Someone sent me this thought it has some lols in it.
In the beginning, humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter-gatherers. They survived by eating deer meat in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter months.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to transport man to the beer. This was the foundation of modern civilization and together, were the catalyst for the division of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of modern agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had been invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q in the evening while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's. They helped by doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement". Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of taxes.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals chose to be represented by the jackass.
Modern liberals enjoy imported beer (with a twist of lime), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, soy protein and tofu. French food is also standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most of the social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives tend to own their own businesses and hire other conservatives who want to actually "work" for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. Instead, they like to "govern" the producers and dictate what should be done with the fruits of another's labor. Liberals believe Europeans are much more enlightened than Americans are. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. Liberal crept in after the Wild West was tame and created work for themselves by trying to get something for nothing. |
|
|
| Ironpirate |
| its stupid but funny |
|
|
| thoroldjames |
Quote: Originally posted by Ironpirate
its stupid but funny |
no, a cat attacking it's reflection in a mirror is stupid but funny,that's just stupid |
|
|
| Ironpirate |
| well a girl sent it to me, so... |
|
|
| thoroldjames |
Quote: Originally posted by Ironpirate
well a girl sent it to me, so... |
ah the truth comes out, all this idiocy is all in the name of gettin some.
that i can respect at least. :D |
|
|
| DDluvr |
| Nice story. There may even be some elements of truth of it. The only flaw is those type of men i.e. conservatives, went out with the wild west. What needed now to survive in this world is intelligence and common sense. Something sorely lacking in the republican party. ;) |
|
|
| Ass Boil |
| That story is almost as dumb as the "sportsmen for Bush" bumper stickers I see every now and then... |
|
|
|
|
|
