| John Robert |
She always send me stupid jokes.
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The
nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian,
WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong,
what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's
don't make a white, so I think we will name him...'Sum Ting Wong' |
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| Califormark |
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| John Robert |
This one actually made me laugh out loud
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees
the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again
and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf
again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off,
I'm trying to poop!"
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| Beckerfer |
| My mom will get a kick out of that. |
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| John Robert |
SCROTUM PRAYER
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium.
She said, 'I have praise. Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they coul d help him.' You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.
She continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.'
Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim. She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.' All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say. A man rose and walked to the podium.
He said, 'I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is sternum. |
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| John Robert |
A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a
half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,
'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be darned,'
then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man
and apologized. 'I'm very sorry.
I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does.' |
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| Califormark |
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| winnie_mandela |
Grandma: What would they call the flinstones if they were black.
Me: Niggers?
Grandma: [slap] dont ever fuckin steal my punchline you faggot [/slap] |
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| John Robert |
This one is a classic from Grandma
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to
file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few
questions."He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and
then asks,"What's your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to
rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I"m a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite
chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being
a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year" |
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| John Robert |
Quote: Originally posted by winnie_mandela
Grandma: What would they call the flinstones if they were black.
Me: Niggers?
Grandma: [slap] dont ever fuckin steal my punchline you faggot [/slap] |
:lol: |
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| John Robert |
A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it is his turn he pulls out
A gun...and robs the bank! Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses..He
Turns around and asks the next customer in line..
'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The customer replies, 'Yes!'
The bank robber raises his gun , points it to the customer's head and
BANG !!!
Shoots him in the head and kills him!
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man,'Did
You see me rob this bank?'
The man calmly responds ... 'No, but my wife did!' |
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| Califormark |
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| winnie_mandela |
Quote: Originally posted by Califormark
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dom deluise :scratch:
:silenceofthehams: |
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| John Robert |
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the
plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black
Labrador retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why
the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was
a DEA agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
"His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you
once we get airborne, when I put him to work."
The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said,
"Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search".
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat
very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then
returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent
said, "Good boy," and turned to the man and said, "That woman is in
possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the
authorities wi ll apprehend her when we land.
"Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man.
Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The
Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to
its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The
agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note
of his seat number for the police." "I like it!" said his seat mate.
The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked
up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and
then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and
proceeded to poop all over the place.
The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and
couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like
that, so he asked the agent "What's goi ng on?"
The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb." |
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| Califormark |
Quote: Originally posted by winnie_mandela
dom deluise :scratch:
:silenceofthehams: |
Orson Wells baby
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| winnie_mandela |
Quote: Originally posted by Califormark
Orson Wells baby
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:hhh: |
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| John Robert |
An old man walked into a bar and took the 'Piano Player Wanted' sign from the window and handed it to the bartender. 'I'd like to apply for the job,'
he said.
The old man staggered his way over to the piano while several
patrons snickered. But, what followed was a rhapsody of sound and music
unlike anyone had heard in the bar before.
The bartender took the old man a beer and asked him the name of the
song he had just played.
'It's called, 'Drop Your Skivvies, Baby, We're Gonna Rock Tonight','
the old man said as he took a long pull from the beer.
He then excused himself as he lurched off to the bathroom.
When the guy came out of the bathroom, the bartender went over to him
and said, 'Look, Top, the job is yours. But do you know your fly is
open and your pecker is hanging out?'
'Know it?' the old man replied. 'Hell, I WROTE it!'
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| John Robert |
A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's fanny,
Pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that.
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?
:jj: |
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| Hurricane Mark |
A man walks into a doctors office with a frog on his head.
The doctor asks "How did that happen?!"
The frog goes, "I dunno doc..it started out as a pimple on my ass."
:::rim shot, cymbal crash::::: |
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| MrWarmth |
| Man needed to have the piss beaten out of him. Arrogant fat old cow. |
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| sinisterjay |
Quote: Originally posted by MrWarmth
Man needed to have the piss beaten out of him. Arrogant fat old cow. |
eat a dick homo |
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| MrWarmth |
| Thanks, fag boy. |
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| Califormark |
Quote: Originally posted by MrWarmth
Man needed to have the piss beaten out of him. Arrogant fat old cow. |
 wwhhaaaaaatt? |
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| Cacophonous |
| I refuse to read jokes in email messages so I am sure the fuck not going to read then transposed here. |
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| John Robert |
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of
years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
:doh: |
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| Califormark |
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| JackRabbitSlim |
| :rolleyes: Hopefully her humor is tighter than her hoochie. ;) |
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| Engaged Chicken |
:lol: HAHAHA!!! That was funny. :rofl: :drunk: |
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| Califormark |
Quote: Originally posted by Engaged Chicken
:lol: HAHAHA!!! That was funny. :rofl: :drunk: |
Funniest thing in this thread :hhh: |
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| John Robert |
Quote: Originally posted by Califormark
Funniest thing in this thread :hhh: |
Actually you posting that picture of Jackie made me laugh.
It DOES say in the title of the thread they are Awful jokes.
Although I do think the second joke about Little Red Riding Hood was actually funny. :p |
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