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SternFanNetwork

Apr
21
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by Mutt at 10:00 AM
(9,013 Views / 0 Likes)
45 Comments
Hey guys, Check out "Pandora's Box: A Man's Guide To The Female Mind". We are a sponsor at SFN.

You know how you usually get nervous when you see a hot woman? Well, if you are checking her out and notice she has a tattoo on her lower back… you might think something like, “Sweet - a Tramp Stamp, she'd be down for a one night stand!!"... Having spent time reading our system “Pandora’s Box”, you know that there's NO WAY she'd be down with a compliment... you would know what to say --(tease her as much as possible), then put your hand on her lower back and guide her through the crowd.... even if you don’t know if she'd be girlfriend material.



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NOTE: This is an advertorial from a SFN sponsor. If you've checked out this sponsor, used their product, or have questions about them you are encouraged to share your comments here. You are not permitted to post complaints about advertising or attack our sponsors so keep those thoughts to yourself. Thank you for behaving.
Oct
11
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by Mutt at 7:50 PM
(26,520 Views / 0 Likes)
291 Comments

When Howard first started doing commercials for Beezid.com the penny auction website where you can get a brand new car for something ridiculous like $700, all I could think was what the fuck is this scam? I mean, iPads for $27?? ...cough.. bullshit!!... I went to the site to look around and was confused. I asked about it here on SFN and members explained how you have to pay to place bids whether you win or not. (around 60¢ to 90¢ per bid) I imagined blowing a ton of dough bidding on auctions that never ended & walking away with nothing feeling bad for myself. The whole thing seemed weird so I passed without giving them a try.

... but they wouldn't go away. Howard was doing live reads. They sent Howard Ashton Kutcher's Nikon, sent Robin an iPad, and sent Benjy alarm clocks. They sponsored the Hottest Tranny contest, were a second sponsor in The Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant, and most recently signed a contract w/ Eric the Midget to get him to dress up in a bee costume at events as their spokesperson. Ya gotta admit, that shit was funny.

Eventually they approached me to do this writeup so it was finally time to try this too good to be true pseudo-gambling penny auction website. Who knows, maybe I'd get cool stuff for el-cheapo!! I combed all through the website reading the fine print, the help section, the FAQ, and the strategies trying to educate myself. I watched several auctions for HOURS. I even called and spoke to one of the Beezid guys directly. Then against my better judgment, I purchased bids and began to play.

Following is everything I've learned so far about this website. If you've heard the commercials and wondered what's the deal, this way too long writeup is for you.

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS:
  • Auctions start out at $0.00 with 24hrs on the clock. (it's possible some auctions like a car get more time.)
  • Every time someone places a bid, the selling price inches up. It normally only goes up a penny, thus penny auction but not always. Some go up by increments of 5¢, 10¢, or more. It's listed on the auction. (ex: Each bid increases the auction price by $0.01) You do not pick a price you are willing to pay like at ebay. you just click the button saying you are willing to pay 1 penny more than the last guy.
  • When the auction gets down to the last 15 - 30 seconds, they call it "Action Time". Each time someone bids in "Action Time", the countdown clock is reset. That means if you bid w/ 1 second left, the clock resets back to 20 seconds or so giving other people a chance. The reset timer time is listed in the auction. (ex: 20 second Timer)
  • You have to pay to bid. To do this you buy a bid pack in advance. I bought a 30 bid pack for $27 (90¢ each) but they had better deals.

HOW DID I DO?
I tried getting 2 different video games. Both times I was bidding against 5-10 people. Basically I spent an hour clicking off bids in hopes that the other guys would give up first. The sad news is, I didn't win either item and in bid money I'm down about $20. Still, it was a lot more fun than I expected. Sorta like going to the casino but without all the noise. I guess I could have bought power ball tickets or hit the strip club instead but I honestly feel I had a much better chance at getting lucky here. Call me crazy but I'm not done. After going through it, I'm convinced I could win stuff. The cheaper stuff with less competition at least. Each game went for $2-$4 so even with shipping & what was spent on bids, if I'd have won just one I'd have still spent less than half than the best deal I could find anywhere else. I'll play with it a little more.

STRATEGY:
Several people told me you need to work on a strategy which sounded really dumb but once I got into it I realized there's much more to consider than just money & button clicking. With certain people I was bidding against it was obvious that they weren't going to give up which made me feel like I was wasting my 90¢ bids. It was annoying & I'd consider moving onto the next auction. It had little to do with how much the item was selling for but more about how good my chances were at outlasting the other guy. Then it dawned on me, that's how you win. By annoying the other bidders into giving up. Bidding was a lot more fun after that as I tried to think what will get rid of these guys. Do I bid right when someone else bids or do I wait till the clock runs down? Do I risk running into the last seconds & possibly miss it? (by the way, that's how I lost both times) Do I pay any attention to that "Recently sold" number? Are certain times of the day easier than others? When I see someone using AutoBeezid, do I let other people deal with it 20 seconds at a time and go back to bidding when it's over or do I go AutoBeezid myself and get it over with now? I'd love to hear people who actual use the site's advice because those people were right, it's all about the strategy.

BEWARE:
You need to pay attention to what you are doing. I saw one asshole use AutoBeezid to place 481 bids on a $100 gift card. Even at 60¢ a bid that's $288 + the $11.45 that it sold for + shipping. What a jerkoff! Just like on ebay, you can pay too much. Bid smart, know what the item is worth, & know what you are willing to spend before you start.

TYPES OF AUCTIONS:
  • ...
Aug
31
http://www.sternfannetwork.com/media/findinghoward.jpg
by Mutt at 7:36 AM
(13,978 Views / 0 Likes)
65 Comments
I received a copy of Adam Schwartz's unpublished manuscript, "Finding Howard Stern: A Summer Intern's Story" and gave it a read this week. In a nutshell, Adam was an intern for the Howard Stern Tapes team and this book is a journal of his time working on the History of Howard Stern Act III and Fight Week Round 2. It's very much about Adam, his desire to be a radio personality, and the lengths he went to to break away from the tedious tape editing & transcribing he was doing on the 17th floor in order to get to the 36th floor, semi-stalk show members, and get noticed by Howard Stern.

NOTE: If you are like the truck drivers that call The Intern Show to tell them they are whiny bitches that don't know shit about the real world, you might want to skip this one & go back to looking at photos of BethO & Heather Clem's asses. I'm doing a home stripper pole write up soon. I promise you'll find that more enjoyable.


I've decided to do this writeup in the same manor that the book is written, a conversation I might have with a friend catching them up on my day. It's short paragraphs with interjected outbursts of side notes or back story but for the most part it's him talking about what he worked on that day, who he talked to, things he hoped to accomplish, etc.

Jun
25
http://www.sternfannetwork.com/media/heather/heather11.jpg
by Mutt at 11:52 PM
(213,283 Views / 0 Likes)
445 Comments
BUBBA ARMY THONGS
I'm always hearing about these Heather ass pics that Bubba tweets or texts Howard but jeeze all mighty, look at that great ass! I present to you Bubba the Love Sponge's wife, Heather Clem.


I don't mean to be coveting my boys girl like this but hell, when she texted me yesterday about her new thong I was just like, <drunk stripper voice>THANK YOU</drunk stripper voice>. If you want more, there's a whole collection of pics of her on her model bio page.

Anyway, my girl's in the market for a new kini (not that girl, gotta new girl) so I said, "hun I've got the perfect one for you. Bubba's wife Heather just designed a Bubba Army pink camo thong & she's selling them for charity." She looked at me crossed eyed and says, "Bubba what? oooh, I love it!" I could agree more. This thing is awesome.

It's available in both thong and string bikini. I ordered both for her. We'll look great. Me w/ my BTLS sleeveless & her in her pink camo Bubba Army thong. ;)

[IMG]

According to the website, all proceeds are being donated to animal related charities in the Tampa Bay area via the BTLS Foundation (BTLSFoundation.org). I almost feel like I can write this thong off. :rolleyes:

IMPORTANT: If you enjoyed these pics, if you want to buy a thong, or if you just want to support Heather & Bubba, CLICK THIS LINK. Just fucking do it. Bust out the sheens if need be but CLICK & LOOK AT ALL THE HEATHER PICS.

[IMG]

UPDATE: Heather has been in the Bubba forum chatting about the pics & the bikinis
http://www.sternfannetwork.com/forum/showthread.php?t=530772
Jun
13
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by Mutt at 8:51 AM
(15,194 Views / 0 Likes)
115 Comments
I met w/ the author of The Sound Mac-Hine, a new iphone APP designed for Stern fans. It's basically a sound board w/ about 500 sound bites you've heard on the show but it has a lot of advanced features that separate it from the other sound boards out there. He wanted it to be the best and I can't think of anything he's missed. You can find it in the App Store.

He's a huge fan much like all of you. The kind of guy we'd have sit in on the Super Fan Roundtable. He even asked me to sign his copies of Private Parts & Miss America. (by the way, I don't have a Mutt signature figured out yet. I'm very rarely asked for it but I feel like a retard when someone does.) First thing he asks is, "What do you think Howard will think about this?" and I told him flat out, "I think he'll shut you down." I mean come on, it's clips of the show. We've all heard him rant about his stuff on you-toob. Still, Howard did enjoy playing the Howard Stern Trivia iPhone APP that Jillian Grace told him about and I don't remember him saying anything about feeling ripped off. Maybe his new love for the iPad & playing around on the youtube APP over vacations has given him a different outlook on the subject.

So, I have to say it's a fun little toy. I have no clue why you'd need such a thing but if you do, this one's not the regular piece of shit you might find. It's way more than just click this button to hear this sound and there are a tons of those. Hell, there must be over a dozen fart apps out there alone. If that's all you need, this one's got about 30 farts. Plus it lets you record your own audio so you can add your own masterpieces to the collection. Like all fart apps, it has a delay timer so you can surprise someone. Don't get me wrong. This thing isn't just farts. It's sound effects, classic movie & TV clips used by Fred like Butthead & Butthead, the Jerky Boys, the Stooges, Animal House, etc, and short snippets of the actual show from all your favorite wackpackers & Sten Show cast & regulars.

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With most sound boards you find a couple dozen long clips and a bunch of buttons. With this it's hundreds of tiny clips separated into categories. Each clip displays a little player which lets you stop playing at any time. The categories use iphone's push up technology which means as you scroll through, the category heading sticks to the top pushing the previous one off the page. It's pretty easy to scroll though and find stuff but with hundreds of clips, it can take awhile. It's got a favorites button for that. Making a clip a fav sticks it to a separate page which makes finding it later a lot easier.

There are a lot of features jammed into this thing. The author wanted to make sure it was the best sound board app out there. Each category heading includes a link to that person's Wikipedia Bio which was pretty neat. I asked him why such short clips? Why not bigger stuff? He explained there are a couple reasons. 1st & most importantly, he didn't want to piss off the man. It's to honor the show & it's for fun. It's the kind of thing you might use to make a prank call or just to waste time with. Secondly, he hope by keeping them short he'd fall under "fair use sampling" and be less likely to take a bunch of heat from fans thinking he's using Howard. Besides, any app over 10MB requires the user to be connected to WiFi making it less user friendly.

This isn't very hi-tech but I shot a short video of the app in action. I used my Palm Pre to shoot it & it's not the best this close up. no it's not the greatest video but it's enough to get the idea. I'd love to get my hands on an ipad and give it a better walk thru but I'm still using an old school video ipod.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQZENcpkEfk[/ame]

After watching this blurry video, it's clear that I say "like" too much. At least it wasn't "fuck".

You can find it on itunes or through the developer's website. He even has a stripped down blackberry version on there. http://www.soundmac-hine.com

OTHER PHONE STUFF FOR STERN FANS
- Sound Mac-Hine Blackberry App
- Sirius XM Premium Online iPod App
- Beetlejuice 3D Talking Bobblehead iPod App
- Medicated Pete 3D Talking Bobblehead iPod App
- iRileyMartin Sound Board iPod App
- The Jackie Button iPod App
- Yucko's Insult-o-matic iPod App
- Sirius Online Player for Windows Mobile

If you know of more Stern Fan apps, let me know

UPDATE 07-07-10: The author contacted me with great news. "Apple and Blackberry apps are now updated. We have improved the sound quality on most clips. Everyone should update the app!"
Jan
24
http://www.sternfannetwork.com/media/kathygriffin.jpg
by Mutt at 6:52 PM
(15,242 Views / 0 Likes)
77 Comments
Kathy Griffin's Official Book Club Selection

Now that the holidays are over I've had some time to finish reading Kathy Griffin's book "Official Book Club Selection" and enjoyed her behind the scenes look at a struggling actor / comic working her way through the ranks. (those of you like Gary can read the audio book which is actually read by Kathy)


When they first sent me the book all I could think was I don't have a vagina or like dick so how the hell am I ever gonna get through this thing and for the first chapter I struggled. I'd read a couple more pages and think I'm just not her demographic but then she started talking about her brother. That's when it got real. If you caught her interview on the Stern Show you would have to remember the revelation that her brother was a pedophile. She put a surprising amount of details in here. It wasn't her just trying to be funny. It was real drama from her life & gave you some idea of what she went through growing up. Now instead of struggling through the pages, I was racing through them. She got into her first jobs in the business, nobodys she trained with / worked with who became somebodys, the way she'd sleep around, failures, successes. It was brutal and interesting. You always hear about people who just stumbled into the right role & it sounds so easy but this was work. Years of work and putting in your dues. I honestly found it really interesting and love that Phil Hartman was one of her role models. So what if it wasn't the most manly thing to be reading at the Del Frisco's bar waiting to do my show. Do I care if people assume I play for the other team? Over the course of Thursdays that I read it more than one person busted my balls asking if I was gay, a couple girls volunteered to read it for me, and I had a very nice talk with a gentleman who wanted to buy me a drink. What do I care, it was a good read.

There's plenty about her celeb friends & ex-friends like Seinfeld, Jack Black, Brooke Shields, etc to keep the gossipers happy and with details about her botched plastic surgery, botched marriage, and stories from the road and her TV shows there's plenty of dirt to interest even non Kathy fans. If your interested in comedians or the LA scene, check it out. It's basically the story of how a show off awkward little tom boy went to LA & became famous. Who wouldn't be into that?

While I'm talking about Kathy, did you see the video of her dropping the F-bomb on CNN during the New Years Eve celebration? No I'm not talking about last year when she told a guy I don't smack dicks out of your mouth, I'm talking this year when she said she needing a bump of coke & called the balloon boy Fucking. Either this girl will never learn or she knows exactly what she's doing. Still nothing will beat her 2007 Emmy speech where she told Jesus to suck it. Right after the New Years incident I received a Christian email chain letter telling me to boycott Kathy for her remarks about Jesus as if it had just happened. Here's an article about the CNN F-bomb and here's the video
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMWs1A2tKio&feature=player_embedded[/ame]

Her book can be found anywhere books are sold. I'm sure you can handle it but here's a link to Amazon & her official web page.
www.KathyGriffin.com
Nov
07
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by Mutt at 1:33 PM
(18,209 Views / 0 Likes)
135 Comments
We have a new SFN adult sponsor, RomanticEmporium.com and they said they want to send me a ridiculously huge box of sex toys. It's gonna be so much shit, I'm going to have to invite a whole group of people over to try em all out. OK, sounds like a fun house warming.


I know what you're thinking, Mutt's gonna stick his dick in something again but not so fast. I've decided to go a different route on this one. It's time to look at a ladies toy but which one? There are so many to choose from. I spent a while browsing their website and then I remembered Howard going on and on about Robin's toy. The way Howard describes it, the thing is diesel powered & takes two men to operate. I had to see this monster so I asked Steve to include it in his shipment. I finally got the box and I'm not disappointed. it's way too much for 1 write up so I'm just gonna talk about a couple items. First things first, let me introduce you to the Hitachi Magic wand.

[IMG]

As Robin Quivers has explained, it's a back massager but it's very popular with the ladies for other uses. It has 2 speeds and gives a very deep penetrating massage. They won't even ship this bad boy out of the US it's so powerful. I used it on my back & it's wihtout a doubt the nicest back massager I've even used. It felt great. I may even take a break from this writeup to go use it again. I can't even imagine what it would do for you ladies but you propably want to find out. He's got 2 of them. One for $45 and another for $62. I don't have any idea what the difference is. Maybe we can get some feedback from Steve.

Now, let me warn you, it's not silent. It almost sounds like the Sybian. If you want to sneak using this thing without your room mate hearing, you're outta luck. I did a google search on it and found all kinds of aftermarket attachments for it. I doubt you'd ever get tired of it. No wonder Robin's a fan and ditched the meats & veggies.

I threw it in the nightstand. it's pretty big but even if one of the kids saw it, it doesn't look like a sex toy. Some of the other toys he sent however, are pretty graphic. Not the sorta stuff you'd want your folks to find laying on the bed. That's why I like these hiding places Steve carries. This little lockable case measures 12"x4"x4" and is plenty big to fit several toys. I really dig it. It also fit in a drawer and looked right at home next to my gun safe. The pillow doesn't lock but it gives ladies a spot to hide most anything in her arsenal. Besides, nobody's gonna think twice when they see this pillow laying on the bed.

[IMG]

There are lots of toy stores on the net & you may already have a favorite one. Still, check out RomanticEmporium.com and you'll find they have a fun selection and a ton of reasonably priced stuff. You can easily find a stocking stuffer or two with plenty of items that are $10-20. Enter promo code Mutt for free shipping.

PS - If you are interested, the 2 toys pictured in the hiding spots are the Berman Institute, Sienna and the Jelly Fantasy 01. I tested these too but that writeup may be a little bit too much for our homepage.
Apr
12
lables.jpg
by Mutt at 6:59 AM
(17,589 Views / 0 Likes)
268 Comments
COCK RINGS - COCK RINGS - COCK RINGS
Get em while they're hot.... and vibrating

Ever since Artie starting advertising cock rings on his website the question has been raised, what exactly is a cock ring, what's it for, & does it work? There seems to be a hell of a lot of confusion but why? What's the secret? When Adam & Eve got in touch with me looking for something like my Fleshlight writeup I told them cock rings! I want cock rings! They sent over 4 and I got right on the horn to let them know it's not enough, I need more cock rings! A big box of cock rings in every imaginable shape, material, & style. If I'm going to do a writeup, I'd like to get to the bottom of this cock ring mystery. I've never used one before but I'm certainly not intimidated by toys so lets get started.

[IMG]

Well here they are, Mutt's cock rings. It's not exactly a great big box of cock rings but it's a lot and Adam & Eve has plenty more to choose from. I don't want to get too graphic but YES, I did try all these things on. Not all at once mind you but over the course of a week, I gave them a demo. Now I'm certainly no expert but I'm pretty confident that I can answer your questions if after reading all this, you still have some.

Howard says that as a kid he heard about them and guys with big dicks would wear them to keep from bottoming out when having sex so they didn't hurt the girl. No wonder I've never needed one of these. ;) Fred says it's a cock tourniquet that traps in the blood to intensify your hardon. Benjy says they make you last longer and has used vibrator cock rings for her added pleasure. We're already all over the place and it seems like I'm going to have to get some hands on training.

Here's what I've learned. The reason there is confusion is because there are lots of different kinds with different purposes. These things aren't 1 size fits all and there's no 1 and only 1 way to put them on. It's a toy. Maybe not as exciting as a giant vibe, but still fun. If your girl wants to get adventurous, go for it. With Adam & Eve's 50% off sale, these things are only a couple bucks and there's no wrong way to use it. She doesn't know what it's for anyway. Snap it around your cock to make it swell, around your balls to be kinky, hell snap one around both or get two and snap one around each. Get one that vibrates for her, who the hell cares. Just getting it & using it is in itself adventurous. Besides, maybe you two will like it.

What do they do? Do they work? What did I like? Check out the following for details. Please refer to this labeled pic.

Do cock rings squeeze your cock to trap the blood / giving you a bigger longer lasting hardon?
YES, if you get the right one. To cut off blood it's gonna have to squeeze. You'll need something that snaps tight & you'll have to find one that fits you right. See the snowflake looking ones, though they are small enough to wear like Jackie's finger cots, they stretch like a mother. I got one around my wrist for Christ's sake. The one with the danglers was actually OK. It might look a lot bigger but it was way less stretchy. Still, I was able to open it enough to to cinch around my balls. I'd use that one again. See the bolo ones? You can make those as tight as you want. Real easy to use. You can put them on hard or semi hard. For whatever reason blood still pumps in but gets trapped in there. I didn't take measurements or anything but I'd say it was more engorged than normal. It was certainly more purple. It didn't interfere with sex at all and it didn't hurt. But would it keep me hard? For testing purposes, after sex I left one on and took my time taking a shower. If I was still hard after a shower, these things are good. After the shower though it wasn't full raging hardon, it was certainly still purple & engorged. When I took it off, my semi immediately went away. There sure is something to it.

Do cock ring help you hold out longer?
I don't know about that. I was still able to cum normally with all of them. Slapping one around my balls didn't stop me. slapping one around both my cock & balls didn't seem to effect it either. The Bead one looked like it would work best for this. My thinking was I'd have to position that bead at the bottom so it blocks 'the main vein". My theory seemed solid but it was sooooo fucking tight. Crazy tight. It was snug around my thumb & it didn't appear to have any stretch. There's no way I thought I'd get it on. Luckily I remembered Jeff the Drunks immortal words, she wouldn't lube it up. So lube it up I did but it was still a struggle to get it on. I had to fight with it. To my amazement, it slowly opened up and I was able to roll it on. I couldn't imagine having anything ever possibly being tighter. Even with that I still came normally. Less of it came out but I still came and as soon as I took it off, the missing cum drained out. IMHO, they didn't help me hold out. BUT keep in mind that it does help you hold the hardon so even though I came I was able to keep going. Bottom line, sex was longer.

Do cock rings intensify your orgasm?
They say that when you cum your balls pull up close to your body. I didn't realize that but I'll buy it. They also say that by cinching a cock ring around your balls it keeps your balls from being able to retract giving you a different effect. Well, i tried it. See that green double. I couldn't get that...
Nov
21
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51-8rnq2fYL._SS500_.jpg
by Mutt at 5:40 PM
(7,051 Views / 0 Likes)
59 Comments
I'm in LA laying in bed hung over from last night at the Adult Webmasters convention. Lots of drinks and networking. The big news of the night is I met one of the guys on the vbulletin team and he's agreed to help me with my upgrade issues. He assures me that we can do the upgrade w/ the giant DB and all the attachments. I'm so excited.

I'm getting rested up for tonight's party at the Playboy Mansion and threw one of the Son of the Beach DVDs that the guys from Shout Factory sent over. In case you live in a cave, Son of the Beach is the TV show that Howard Stern executive produced. It's a Baywatch spoof with lots of half naked hot chicks and lots of sexual innuendo. The Season 2 & 3 Boxset just came out and I told them I'd give it a watch. I didn't watch the show while it was on air so I didn't know what to expect. I tired it once and I have to admit, I thought it was stupid. But ya know what, after watching a couple episodes I find it fun. Sometimes silly but overall, fun. Lots of dick, tit, & fart humor. It really helped me thru the morning.

I caught one episode with Gilbert Gottfried playing a rabbi. There are vampires on the beach so not only do we get lots of jokes about jews being cheap, blowing the chauffeur, & Gilbert singing but he gets bit so we also get Dracula Gottfried. Yes it was silly and the jokes are very childish but I really enjoyed it. I don't know if it's because I feel so shitty or what but I chuckled thru it.

In the Sexorcist episode one of the lifeguards is possessed and needs an exorcism. When she throw up on the lead Character Notch Johnson, it looks like jizz. At first I thought it was stupid but when his head was completely covered and dripping, it was hysterical. He really looked like he had been buccaci'd.

In one of the other ones, Morine McCormick & Vincent Pastore guest star. It was worth it just to see Marsh Brady chanting SLUT SLUT SLUT! She's the host of a christian TV show called Wake Up White People. Jamaica StCroix discovers that Fellatio (Vincent) is actually her father and he wants her to wack Johnson. It's loaded with stereotypes and again, I'm embarrassed to say it was fun.

The one that's on right now stars George Takei. It's a Godzilla spoof with a giant cock (rooster) and bad english dubbing. I know this sound horrible but it wasn't. Notch saves Japan b It was another chuckler. Ari's assistant from Entourage even has a bit part.

If you are interested, The Son of the Beach Season 2 & 3 Boxset can be found on Amazon. Season 1 is available too.

I wonder what that would be like.....

Jul
28
by Mutt at 12:49 PM
(2,583 Views / 0 Likes)
72 Comments
Deacon Daniel was talking to Howard about this video this morning. it's features Robin & Florentine.




I like this Lisa G one too which has cameos from Robin & Jim

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