How Will They Die?

Here's my take:
Sal will die falling off another stage & break his neck marking his final tribute to Artie's father.
Richard & Benjy will be the old guys who live until their 90s & attend the Stern show tributes, sitting in their own piss & shit & laugh about how they used to do that as a gag.
Artie, tick-tock.
Fred will die on the last day of the last show. He'll have a massive heartattack while sitting in his chair & not until the end of the show, when Howard complains about the lack of sounds effects will everyone realize that Fred has been dead for the last 3 hours.
Ralph. Who cares, so long as it's sometime soon.
Robin will board a plane to Cacaquitoo in Machapoopoo to see some witch doctor & will never be heard from again.
Howard, will die at his home, alone, & not until Beth returns from her 7 day tour of the Carribean will his body be found.
The End.

Ralph will die of a ruptured sphincter and colon.

Sal- Lung Cancer
Richard- Drinking incident. (i.e. falling and hitting his head...)
Benjy- Murdered in downtown Manhatten for acting up in public one too many times
Fred- Old age
Ralph- Old age (he has no worries=no stress)
Robin- Some kind of cancer aquired from one of those hair-brained therapies
Howard- Heart Attack from stress
Gary- Lung Cancer
Ronnie- Cirrhosis
Will- Knifed at an Eagles game
Lisa G- Alone, eaten by her cats...
and because of their wonderful dieting habits:
J.D.- Heart Attack
Jason- Heart Attack
John- Heart Attack
Tim- Heart Attack

As for Artie: WGAS, WGAF. He's no longer associated with THHS.

Sal will die falling off another stage & break his neck marking his final tribute to Artie's father.

Fred will die on the last day of the last show. He'll have a massive heartattack while sitting in his chair & not until the end of the show, when Howard complains about the lack of sounds effects will everyone realize that Fred has been dead for the last 3 hours.

Robin will board a plane to Cacaquitoo in Machapoopoo to see some witch doctor & will never be heard from again.

I don't care how Stern dies just that it occurs during a live show.

Whack packers.

ETM will fall asleep in his power chair and hit the button to go forward. His battery finally dies as he enters a forested area during turkey hunting season.

High pitch Eric will die from organ failure because his diet was mostly Mcdonald's.

Elliot Often died during Autoerotic asphyxiation.

Debbie the pet psycho died in her room at the funny farm she was committed to. Her beloved pet rats disposed of the corpse.

Wendy the retard never died. It turns out they invented a cure to retardation and aging on the same day. She was the only test subject.

Riley Martin started a cult. He was the only member. One day he went deep into a forest. Witnesses reported seeing a brightly lit saucer shaped object over the forest. Riley was never heard from again.

Jeff the drunk died of alcohol poisoning in combination with falling out of a moving vehicle traveling in excess of 100MPH.

Howard - exhaustion (having retired from radio his OCD will return with a vengeance and become a full time source of both mental and physical torture).
Beth - exhaustion (from being entertained by all the young men who will frequent her Hampton/Manhattan cribs once her husband has been laid to rest)
Robin - apoplexy
Fred - old age (but will die with a smile on his face amongst family and friends including several of his daughter's children and grandchildren.
Gary - boredom (having nothing to do after HS's retirement in 2015)
Ronnie - heartbreak (having long been abandoned by Stephanie who married a man much closer to her age with far less rage and paranoia issues)
Lisa G - anorexia
Jason - heart attack
Jon H - heart attack
Tim - heart attack
Benjy - something stupid
Sal - gets beaten to death in Harlem for making racial slurs
Richard - cirrhosis of the liver
Scott Salem - lung cancer
Ralph - poverty (finding next to no stylist opportunities after HS's retirement in 2015)
Bobo - heartbreak (having been advised of HS's death)
Maryann - ditto the above
John L - will outlive them all and write a NY Times bestseller re his experience as a HS show staffer

If Sal does die of lung cancer, I predict he will be bald with an uneven tan & stained teeth.
If JD dies from anything, it's going to be some kind of Siskel-cancer from watching too much tv.
As for Gary Dell'Abate, one week he entered a fast food restaurant. Just ahead of him, two men got into an argument. One of them pulled a knife. Gary who was always best at deflecting anger back on to himself tried to break it up. He was stabbed in the throat. He died almost instantly.
John Hein died after eating a bad hamburger at McDonald's. Ironically, the virus that killed him was sensitive to pickles & would have died on the bun had he just ordered a hamburger like a normal person. He lived long enough to sue McD's. It was the last $1million he would ever make.

Benji-Raped to death on a craigslist meet up gone wrong
Sal-prostate cancer
Richard-tractor accident in Kansas
Robin-heart attack
Fred-Natural causes-old age
Jon Hein- Diabetes obesity
Gary-weather disaster as he tries to protect his house
Ralph-Suffocates in his Broni costume at geek convention
JD-know one knows- he just fades away and is never heard from
Jason Kaplan-heart attack while jerking to his phone in the shower
Will- Cancer
Howard-stroke- despite all his healthly living she suffers a stroke- at just mild speech problems which lead to many jokes about how the big mouth is now just like Dick Clark-leads him to hide away- he has a second stoke more issues, Beth leaves when she gets tired of wiping his ass-he is alone and comitts suicide

Asteroid strike off the Carolina Coast. Most life on the planet will be wiped out. Abe Vigoda will be the only survivor.

First of all, Sal is going to be murdered by his wife's boyfriend.
Richard is going to die of a staph infection due to his unsanitary lifestyle.
Artie will OD.
JD will commit suicide.
Fred will get into a loud screaming match in a restaurant with a fat, short, bald guy who turns out to be in the mafia.
Robin will die alone in her mansion, not be discovered for weeks, and be partially eaten by her cats.
After Beth and his next two wives divorce him, Howard will be offed by his Filipino caregiver/wife.

BULLSHIT! Because you know if Sal dies of prostate cancer that Richard's gonna die of penile cancer & vice versa!

Gary-Lip cancer
Sal-Pouch MRSA

First of all, go back to the end of the line until you can think of an appropriately horrific death for Ralph.
Secondly, Artie is always & indelibly linked to THSS.

Killed by a flying trampoline

JD will die of a fatal venereal disease acquired when he (against his better judgement) decided to meet up with one of his online porn pals.

Howard - That disease people get from cat scratches
Robin - That disease black people get
Fred - Killed by the CIA during a standoff
Benjy - Who cares?
Gary - Naturally. His lips protect him from all natural harm
Ronnie - Ruptured colon
Ralph - AIDS
Eric the Midget - Mistaken for a coyote; shot

Robin will purchase a village somewhere in Central America whereby she will crown herself queen (of the little brown people) and outlaw meat. The villagers having grown tired of her dictatorial treatment and phony vegetarian philosophy (her man-servant was said to have witnessed her on several occasions eating cheeseburgers in bed) conspire to and were eventually successful in executing/marinating her for the main course of their annual village barbecue/block party.

...or his head spontaneously explodes...

Wow...talk about life imitating art. I forgot to put him on my list!!

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.
Jesus, does anyone?

I won't cry, I won't cry, no, I won't shed a tear. Just as long as you stand, stand by me...

OK, I've thought about Ralph:
Dies from dog attack from rescue dogs while staying at Sam Simons house.

I still refuse to do Artie. Then you have to do Jackie, John, KC, Tom...the list is never ending of ex-employees.

Don't you mean wearwolf?

Howard - staph infection acquired while shaking some nasty dude's hands during the AGT tour.