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Howard Didn't Do It!!!!

Discussion in 'Howard Stern' started by Stethacantus, Sep 18, 2008.

  1. Stethacantus Full Member

    This is the ultimate list of all projects Howard said he was doing but never got around to doing, projects he actually did complete, and some that did not turn out the way he expected they would. There were roughly 75 different projects outside his daily radio/satellite show that he either mentioned in passing or made a major on the air announcement that he was doing. A little more than half ever saw the light of day. This is a list of all those projects starting with 1982's "50 Ways To Rank Your Mother" album and ending with Porky's, the Channel 9 Show on DVD and other long delayed projects he says he is still working on.

    #1] Howeird Stern - 50 Ways To Rank Your Mother

    50 Ways To Rank Your Mother was one of the first albums ever to have a warning label for content

    THE PROJECT: shortly before Howard left DC101 he decided to take his radio bits and record them on an album.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Howard had already signed a deal with Wren Records and was committed to making an album he was told by his general manager that since he and Fred were employees of DC101 any material he had written for the radio was their intellectual property and forbid him from using it on an album. The only exception was the song "50 Ways To Rank Your Mother" which was written by one of Howard's regular guests and therefore was not property of DC101. Howard and Fred had to write an entire album in a short period of time. Years later Howard would admit that it was not the album he wanted to make and the material on it was weak. Wren added a bonus, a free poster that came with the album which was the album cover blown up. The timing for the album's release could not be worse. DC101 had just fired Howard and it would be a few months until he began working at NBC. Never the less during the albums first week it peaked at #1 on Washington D.C.'s local album chart. Wren records told Howard that although sales were strong the first week that not enough albums overall were sold to recover production costs. When Howard became established at NBC Wren asked him to promote the album for the New York City Metropolitan market. Howard would frequently play the cut "Nail Young's Cat" on the air even at one time for a music guest. But when once again Wren claimed the album was not making money and had not yet paid Howard a cent he decided to stop promoting the album and did not speak about it again for years.


    In 1994 Wren sold the rights to the record to Ichiban Old Indie, a record label that specialized in re-releasing out of print albums. It was re-released under the title "Unclean Beaver". Howard has never acknowledged the existence of this CD nor allowed any caller to mention it on his radio show. Not only did Howard lose all rights to the material on the album but sees no money from it's profits. The CD does not come with a poster.

    #2] Car Buyers Market Magazine

    THE PROJECT: One of the sponsors at NBC was a monthly free magazine called Car Buyer's Market that was nothing more than wall to wall adds for used cars. One day Howard was on the air talking to the magazine's publisher on the phone and agreed to write a monthly article. This mushroomed into Howard getting editorial control of the magazine and turning it into his version of MAD with Fred and perhaps Robin contributing material.
    WHAT HAPPENED: For a few days Howard was enthusiastic about doing it, then when reality set in that he was going to write for free for a magazine that was given away in auto dealerships he stopped mentioning it.

    #3] Howard Stern Live On Stage
    THE PROJECT: A series of live appearances by Howard and the rest of the show's regulars containing much of his radio bits, song parodies, and magic tricks.
    WHAT HAPPENED Howard did a bunch of these shows mostly between the time he was fired from NBC and was hired by WXRK. Some shows continued after he began work for WXRK but eventually he decided it was tacky and stopped doing them. Other members of the shows staff and regular guests including Wack Pack members to this day continue to revive the live show concept, but since Howard wants to distance himself from it they are not allowed to use his name in the advertisements or use material from the radio show.

    #4]Ryder P.I.

    For a cheap low budget movie it is surprising that they were able to afford MAD Magazine's Jack Davis to do the poster. Jack also did one of the posters for the movie "Monty Python's Life of Brian"

    THE PROJECT: Howard Stern in his first motion picture. Prior to shooting the film Howard enthusiastically talked about it on the air.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Howard's attitude to the film quickly soured when he arrived on the set and saw that his scenes were being shot on video tape. The rest of the movie was shot on film while Howard's bit part as a wacky news anchorman would appear on a television screen in a bar. Ryder P.I. was a low budget independent comedy put together by a group of Long Island comedians. It was shown in only one theater for a couple of weeks. It would have bigger success years later on videotape and DVD promoted to Stern fans all across the US.

    #5] Blue Öyster Cult - Club Ninja


    THE PROJECT: Howard's Cousin is the lead singer of Blue Öyster Cult and has invited him to sing on their next album!!!!
    WHAT HAPPENED It turned out that Eric Bloom was not Howard's cousin but was married to one of his distant cousins. Howard's contribution to the album was a four line poem:

    when the bones of our oppressors have turned to dust;
    And the cause that we serve rules the world.
    In a vision, visitation,
    all hail the revolution!


    #6]On The Road

    THE PROJECT: Howard decided that if he recorded a song that he had enough listeners that it would become an instant hit. Fred said that he could easily write a song that was just as good as what other rock bands were currently recording and Dee Snider called in and said he would produce it. All they needed was a record label to sign Howard and release the single, but what record label would pass up on releasing such a major hit?
    WHAT HAPPENED: Fred with a little help from Dee Snider wrote the song "On The Road".

    Whooo ooh, whooo wooo oooh
    Whoo hoooh, whoohoo
    Whooo ooh, whoo wooo oooh
    Whoo hoooh, whoo,hoo
    You can't run, you cant hide
    You got your love deep inside
    Break your will, break my back
    I'm gonna take you there in my Cadillac

    Whoooo hooooo
    I'm on the road

    [ chorus ]

    Whooo oooh, whooo wooo oooh
    Whoo Hoooh, I'm on the road

    Leather boots up to the thigh
    Got the kind of face that makes a grown man cry
    Liquid hips, luscious lips
    Shivers up and down my spine with my fingertips

    Oh no, I'm on the Road

    [ repeat chorus ]

    I know the secret deep in your soul
    Don't ask your sister she's out of control
    Don't' say a word, don't make a sound
    Until we get to the edge of town

    [ repeat chorus 5X ]

    Good God you are so young
    A fine young thing
    Question, do you shave that thang?
    Oh good.
    Oh my God you fine young thang
    Give it to me, now give it to me
    Don't do drugs, ohh
    Look how sweet you are
    Can't believe your fallin' for me
    Your'e on the road

    Going into a studio Howard recorded a demo track produced by Dee Snider and featuring Leslie West on lead guitar. The demo track was good enough to release as a single. Howard claimed he had offers from a few record labels and for nearly a year the song was his anthem.

    Perhaps remembering what had happened with Wren Records Howard never found a recording contract he wanted to sign. They all asked for full publishing rights to the song and/or would not pay Howard or the other performers unless the single sold a certain amount of copies. many insisted on an entire album. While Howard waited for his manager to negotiate a good contract he grew tired with the song and eventually no longer felt the need to put out a single. Although another explanation is that he was not seriously going to put out a single and it was all an ongoing bit. But eventually like all bits it got old.

    Howard played the song often on his show, but the studio version never completely aired. The few times he played it during the middle of the show he would keep stopping it and making comments. He would play it often at the end of the show but Meg Griffin, the DJ who followed him, would regularly dump out of the 8 second delay during the song and usually cut it short. I remember trying to tape a copy of the songe every day and this was the most complete version to air on K-ROCK. It was mentioned often that On The Road was put into rotation the rest of te day on K-Rock but I was a regular listener and never heard it once outside Howard's show.

    The only time the song aired completely on WXRK was a live version during the live New Years Eve broadcast at the Felt Forum.

    #7] Music Video "Lets Go Mets"

    This is the blink and you'll miss it cameo by Howard in the video slowed down. Notice how he shared the screen with Twisted Sister. Dee Snider is missing from the band because he did not want to participate. He missed his one an only chance to be in a music video with Howard Stern.


    The Making Of The "Lets Go Mets" Music Video Documentary


    THE PROJECT: Howard Stern was going to appear in the Mets music video and be interviewed for a Mets documentary to be shown on one of the Networks.
    WHAT HAPPENED: In 1986 the Mets were projected to be in the playoffs and possibly winning the World series. Earlier that year the Chicago Bears had put out a rap video and single "The Super Bowl Shuffle" so members of the Mets decided to do the same recording their own Rap song. This was done without the permission of Major League Baseball or the Mets organization. When the unauthorized Rap single started making money it was decided to release an official Mets single. Early on the decision was made that none of the Mets were talented enough to sing on the single so instead professionals studio vocalists were hired to sing the team's new theme song "Lets Go Mets". Local celebrities were encouraged to appear in the video. Some had major parts but most like Howard simply sang the words "Lets Go Mets Go!" and were shown at the end of the video in a montague where they were all on baseball cards. Howard ended up at the end of the video with other local DJs including Soupy Sales and Scott Shannon, both who he was feuding with at the time. The only reason why Howard agreed to be part of the video was to be in the making of documentary. But so many celebrities ended up agreeing to be in the video that Howard's interview was not used. The documentary and music video ended up being sold on home video. Later that year when the Mets began to falter in the playoffs Howard sang a song parody of their theme song called "Hey Schmucks You Suck" which he played every time they lost a game. He had a second song parody praising the Mets whenever they won which had the exact opposite lyrics.
    #8]The National Howard Stern Show

    THE PROJECT: Howard was offered his first national syndicated radio show.
    WHAT HAPPENED: By this time Howard's show was already syndicated into Philadelphia and was begging Infinity to syndicate his show to other stations around the nation. Infinity was still resistant to the idea and wanted to syndicate his show in baby steps. ABC offered him a deal for a radio show that would be syndicated nationally. The only problem was that it would not be his morning show. The syndicated show was a 2 hour weekly show taped in front of a live audience. Unlike the daily show, the syndicated show played music. Most of the show was Howard interviewing guests for about four minutes followed by a top 40 single followed by two more minuets of an interview before the commercial break, then the whole thing repeated after the commercial break. And while the syndicated show brought in guests who Howard could not get on his daily show, the questions he asked were a lot tamer than those he would ask on the daily show. While most of the syndicated show was forgettable it managed to have one classic radio bit. The guest was Elton John and he was asked to sing a song parody called "Why Isn't Howard Stern On T.V.?". Despite the lame format the syndicated show [ which aired on WXRK in New York City on Saturday mornings ] it still managed to get good ratings. The reason why it was eventually cancelled was that ABC was unable to find national advertisers. Even toned down Howard Stern was still too controversial.

    #9] 9½ Weeks


    THE PROJECT: Howard announced that Adrian Lyne wanted to use recordings of Howard Stern doing his radio show in his movie "9½ weeks"
    WHAT HAPPENED: MGM was worried that 9½ Weeks would get an 'X' rating. This was three years before the creation of 'NC-17' so all movies with adult themes or excessive violence got the same rating as pornographic movies, and by the 1980's most movie theaters refused to screen 'X' rated films. Drastic cuts were made to the movie to bring it down to a movie that would get an 'R' rating. Reportedly one of the cuts was the removal of Howard's radio show from the soundtrack. Adrian Lyne has said he wants to release a directors cut of 9½ Weeks some day, but there is no word if it would include Howard on the soundtrack. Lyne has also directed two other controversial movies, "Indecent Proposal" and "Lolita" which ultimately was so controversial it could not get an American distributor. His best known films are "Flashdance" and "Fatal Attraction".

    #10] New Years Live At The Felt Forum

    THE PROJECT: Howard and the rest of the morning show staff would host a concert on New Years Eve 1987 along with the band Pig Vomit featuring Leslie West and Dee Snider and most of the Wack Pack. The new year countdown and part of the concert would be broadcast live over the radio. After midnight Howard and his guests would judge a beauty pageant.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Howard actually pulled this off with no problem.
    4 people like this.
  2. Stethacantus Full Member

    #11] Robocop


    THE PROJECT: Howard announced on the air that producers had just sent him a script for a movie called "Robocop" and wanted him to play one of the characters.
    WHAT HAPPENED Howard said the script was dumb and did not take the part. Perhaps he had an earlier draft of the script that was sub-par, because when Robocop eventually did come out Howard loved the movie. Howard has mentioned many times that he was offered parts that he turned down. This was one of the rare times he had mentioned one of the films on the air.

    #12] Live From The Porcelain Palace

    THE PROJECT: Howard announced on the air that he was finally going to get his own television show but would not say what it was going to be about because the set was "revolutionary" and he did not want to spoil the surprise until the show aired. The show would have a live audience and Howard gave tickets out to many lucky listeners on the air.
    WHAT HAPPENED: There was a buildup on the air the week the show was suppose to tape, then suddenly Howard stopped talking about it. A couple of years later one of the listeners finally asked Howard what happened to the show. Howard mentioned that the producer had died Years later Howard identified the name of the show as "Live From The Porcelain Palace" and said the premise was that he would be conducting interviews from a mens room stall. Howard claimed that as the time grew closer to taping the show he began to have regrets because he realized the premise of the show could look really dumb, but was not going to back out of the deal because he believed in upholding the contract. This was not the first or last time Howard promoted one of his projects as revolutionary or great even though behind the scenes he felt the project was sub-par. He had hyped "50 Ways To Rank Your Mother" both in Washington and in New York City even though he would later admit the album was not funny.

    #13] The Howard Stern Show ( a.k.a. The Fox Show )

    Bootleg copy of the show that is circulating among fans

    THE PROJECT: Not too long after the Porcelain Palace mysteriously disappeared from discussion on the radio show Howard announced another television project. He would be doing a show for the new Fox network. This time Howard gave out some details on the air about what his first television show would look like. It would be part sketch comedy and part interview show. Robin Quivers would be the co-host and the house band would be lead by Leslie West. Also on the show was Gary, Fred, and Jackie along with frequent radio show guests Joe Walsh and Steve Rossi. Five test episodes were shot that were suppose to air in New York City only on WNEW. If they did well then the actual network shows would be shot with a better budget and would replace "The Late Show" at their 11:30 time slot.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Even though WNEW wanted to air the test shows Fox claimed they were sub-par and cancelled the series. Howard had put a lot of work into those shows and did not take the cancellation well. He began to accuse Rupert Murdoch of killing the show because Cardinal John O'Connor pressured him into doing so. The initial idea of hiring Howard Stern to Fox came as a result of the bad ratings that "The Late Show" was getting. Fox had hired regular Tonight Show guest host Joan Rivers and created The Late Show for her which was suppose to go up against Johnny Carson. The Late Show failed to draw viewers and Fox planned to fire Joan Rivers and replace her with a new host. Fox was actually looking at many different potential replacement hosts at the time and their New York based executives felt that Howard Stern could draw the viewers that Joan could not. Howard insisted on his own show in that time slot rather than continuing The Late Show, but promised that his show would beat The Tonight Show in the ratings.

    After cancelling Howards show before the test episodes even aired, Fox made the mistake of inviting him on their two live shows as a guest. Arsenio Hall was hired to replace Joan Rivers and Howard was booked as a guest. Pretty much the first thing out of Howard's mouth was that Rupert Murdoch was responsible for Edgar Rosenberg's death. Rosenberg was Joan Rivers husband and also the producer of The Late Show. When he and Joan were fired he blamed himself for the show's low ratings and a few weeks prior had committed suicide. Howard had other unpleasant things to say about Rupert Murdoch and the Fox network. During the commercial break security walked onto the late Show's set and escorted Howard off Fox property. Not too long later producers for Good Day New York arranged to do a live broadcast from Howard's radio studio. Howard immediately began to once again badmouth Rupert Murdoch before the show cut away from the studio claiming they had technical problems. For the next half hour whenever they went back to Howard's studio they claimed they had no audio and instead played bouncy pop tunes over the soundtrack. This did not deter Howard who held up a sign once again accusing Murdoch of killing Rosenberg. Howard finally threw the Good Day New York crew out of his studio and amazingly their audio problem was fixed two seconds later.

    While Fox claims Howard's show was killed due to the poor quality of the test shows and Howard claims it was a result of pressure from the Catholic Church, I got what may be the real story as to what happened from some ex-WNEW employees. During the week that Howard was taping the show he had begun to complain that a Superman sketch had to be pulled because the Fox crew could not pull off the special effect that would have made him look like he was flying. A week later Howard recognized one of his set pieces being used on another Fox show, "A Current Affair" and once again began blasting Fox executives on the air. Howard felt that the sets to his show should be kept a secret until the day his shows aired. The set in question was for a game show parody and apparently the same game show parody was done on A Current Affair weeks before the same sketch was to air on Howard's test show. The Fox executive who did this did so because the test shows were running over budget and the only way to justify new sets was if they were to be used on other Fox shows. Howard was not aware of this and blasted the executives who made that decision. Behind the scenes both Murdoch and other Fox executives began to worry that if Stern was such a loose cannon when it came to the test shows that he would be impossible to handle once he was on the network. So as a preemptive act they decided not to air the test shows and fired Howard. A decade later Murdoch would work with Howard again for "Son Of The Beach"

    #14] The Howard Stern Cook Book
    THE PROJECT: Howard announced on the air that he had taken an advance from a publisher to write a book. He said that it would be a cook book
    WHAT HAPPENED: No book. No reason was given but most likely Howard thought he could get away with throwing a bunch of recipes into a book. Many other celebrities were doing the same thing at the time. The problem is that celebrity cook books usually have anecdotes about each recipe, so it would not be a simple as copying the cake recipe off the Betty Crocker box as Howard suggested it would be. Another possibility is that the publisher was expecting something more than a simple cook book. Still another possibility is that talk of the cook book was just a radio bit.

    #15] Howard Stern's Negligee And Underpants Party Pay-Per-View Special


    THE PROJECT: On the air Howard announced that he was finally getting his own television show. It would be on cable on a new service called "paper view".
    WHAT HAPPENED: Actually it was called pay-pre-view. Back in 1988 if you wanted to watch a pay-per-view special you would have to go to your cable company's main office and rent a separate box that would decode it. Some companies like Time-Warner were just beginning to invest in cable boxes that decoded all premium and pay-per-view channels but that would still be a couple of years away. The other problem was that many cable companies did not yet offer pay-per-view services, the ones that did offer the service did not have to offer Stern's show, and your area had to have Cable in the first place. This meant that most of Howard's listeners would not be able to see the show, although many callers claimed that they were going to drive out of town and rent a hotel room with cable to see the event. The show was eventually called the "Negligee and Underpants Party" as everyone was expected to show up half dressed. The live show ran into one major problem, it started running overtime. and they were unable to get to the taped segment of Gary getting his teeth capped. Although not widely available to all his listeners it became the all time money making pay-per-view. But since Howard had to make separate deals with every cable company involved and most wanted most of the profits and because there had already been a lot of money spent renting a television studio, building sets, paying guests, hiring a crew, and filming and producing insert video segments, and other production costs the pay-per-view special ended up losing money. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why Howard agreed to.....

    #16]Howard Stern's Negligee And Underpants Party


    THE PROJECT: For all of his listeners who did not get to see the pay-per-view special he would be releasing it on video tape.
    WHAT HAPPENED: There are many people who think this was planned all along and that running out of time before he was able to show the much publicised "Gary gets his teeth capped" video segment was done deliberately. However the fact that they were unable to get guests Dweezle and Moon Unit Zappa to sign a release to allow their segments to be used on the tape, nor had kept the home phone numbers of the participants of the Dial-a-Date segment so they could get their releases, is evidence that the home video was a last second idea. With edits made to segments where they were unable to get releases from guests or callers, what was once a two hour show was an hour forty five minutes on home video. As an incentive to buy the tape Howard included backstage video with voice over comments, the missing Gary teeth segment, and a replay of the segment with audio commentary by Howard where Vinnie Mazzeo Jr. lights his underwear on fire and cooks an egg. Bonus footage was unusual on video tapes at that time which was a plus. The negative was the company that manufactured and distributed the tape [ credited to Weirdo inc. but would be credited to Twelve One on all the other releases. ]. They insisted on selling it by mail order giving it a steep $4 [ for its time ] mailing and handling charge. There was also the problem of how the mail order services Howard used for all his video tapes mailed them out arbitrarily. Many people who ordered the tape on the first day Howard announced he was selling it did not get it in the mail until weeks after people who had ordered it weeks later. The first listeners who got the tape in the mail called in to the show, some saying they had only ordered it a few days earlier. Predictably many other angry listeners called in to say they had ordered it on day one and it had not arrived yet. One bigger problem was the quality of the video tapes themselves. Many were not even taped in hi-fi and some had such low quality audio that you had to turn your television's volume up all the way to hear it. This was evidence that whoever was making copies of the video was using inferior machines, either old ones or even using home VHS machines. The tape quality was poor as well. While by that time videos for home and rental were taped on brand new Scotch or Maxell, Weirdo/Twelve One taped on used videos. [ I had a friend who fast forwarded his copy of "Open Sores" and you could see the tail end of the porno film that was taped over. ] Repeatedly Twelve One assured Howard that these problems would be fixed, but they persisted through the entire run of videos Howard sold. Another fan complaint was that Howard insisted the tapes would never be sold in stores, yet a few months later the overstock was sold to the record store chain Square Circle. He announced he would be appearing at the Square Circle store at Roosevelt Field to sign tapes, but only tapes that were sold at that store and not those bought through mail order. Most likely this was not Howard's idea but that of Weirdo/Twelve One who were the ones selling the tape.

    #17] Project X

    THE PROJECT: Howard made several references to something he was involved with called "Project X" and that there would be late night commercials that explained what that product was.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Project X was a 1-900 number. Call up and hear X-Rated material from show regulars. Infinity refused to allow Howard to promote it on the air so all he could do is call it Project X and hope that lead listeners to watch the commercials to find out what it was. Without the ability to directly promote the number on the air it got few callers and quickly went out of business.

    #18] U.S. Open Sores


    THE PROJECT: Gary claimed that he was a better tennis player that Howard. Howard challenged him to a match. Howard said they should lease out an arena so that listeners could watch the match as well. The owner of the Nassau Coliseum called up and said that if he was really interested in having a tennis match then he could give Howard the venue on Saturday October 7th. Robin said that she could also have a tennis match against her nemesis the Wackpacker Fred the Foot Licker. Other celebrities called in and said they could be there to perform. Howard suggested they call the match the "U..S. Open Sores".
    All of this within an hour after which the tickets were ready to go on sale. Very suspicious.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The match and show happened as scheduled. Many listeners suspected that Howard the match had been planned, the guests arranged, and the arena booked weeks earlier and that the fight between Gary and Howard about who was the better tennis player and everything else was staged. Part of their suspicion was because of what Howard announced the day after the match....

    #19] Howard Stern's U.S. Open Sores


    THE PROJECT: Because only 1,600 of his listeners could see the match Howard announced that he would be releasing it on video. There would also be plenty of behind the scenes footage.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Once again it was another mail order product and once again there were problems with mailing out the videos to all the customers on time and tape quality. Many fans believe it was the weakest of all the full length videos Howard released. Perhaps because it is the only one of the videos produced in documentary format. Rumor is that Howard had planned it to be another pay-per-view event. He had learned the hard way that the WWF who made money on their pay-per-view events did so because they recouped the production cost through ticket sales at the arena. But apparently if any plans existed for it to be shown on pay-per-view they fell through. Once again Howard said the tapes would only be sold by mail order and once again the overstock was sold to the record store chain The Wiz.

    #20]The Adventures of Ford Fairlane


    THE PROJECT: Frequent guest Andrew Dice Clay landed the starring role in the movie "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane" and while the movie was being cast offered Howard a part in the film as a DJ right on the air during Howard's show. Howard accepted and showed enthusiasm in being in his first major Hollywood movie.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The day after Howard was turned down for the part he came into the studio an angry man blasting the film's director Renny Harlin and putting Clay on a shit list he never quite got off of. According to Howard's story he was brought into a hotel room to meet Harlin who then boasted that he was going to direct "Alien III". After the brief talk Harlin introduced Howard to the casting director who took him to another room for a line reading. After Howard read the lines to the casting director he was turned down for the part. Howard felt that Harlin was obnoxious and was angry that he never even bothered to give him a proper screen test or watch his line reading. Ultimately the part of the DJ was given to Gilbert Gottfried. When the film came out Howard declared it one of the worst films in history and it's director Renny Harlin a hack who did not understand comedy. In fact the movie got universal bad reviews both by film critics and Andrew's fans and quickly tanked at the box office. Clay was never offered a major part in a movie or television show again, a shame as he was at the least a very good actor. Renny Harlin was not hurt by the film. Right after he finished filming he was assigned as director of "Die Hard II" which was released to the theaters the week before Ford Fairlane. It's critical raves and continuing success overshadowed the failure of the other movie. Ford Fairlane did have one success. It's theme song "Rock The Cradle of Love" sung by Billy Idol was a huge hit and is considered an 80's classic, the video still being aired on VH1 Classic to this day.

    Howard's rant against Harlin showed his then Naivety in the motion picture business, as did Dice who assumed he could cast any of his friends in the movie just because he was the star. The movie was a studio project. Harlin was a hired hand who only agreed to make the movie in return of being promised Alien³. [ ultimately that movie was held up in pre-production so long that Harlin no longer was interested in doing it. ] Harlin had no say in the script or casting of the movie and probably did not even have final cut. The casting director was the person in charge at that time and was the person Howard had to impress. He also failed to notice that the studio producing the movie was 2oth Century Fox and three years earlier he had been accusing their boss of killing Edgar Rosenberg on national television twice, and both on the Fox's television network. The decision not to cast Howard had already been made long before he met Harlin. The only reason why the meeting was arranged in the first place was to appease the film's star Andrew Dice Clay.

    #21] The Howard Stern Summer Show ( a.k.a. The Channel 9 Show )


    THE PROJECT: Once again Howard announced on the air that he was getting his own television show. It would be a few shows on the local station WOR Channel 9 just for the summer.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Channel 9 had been in talks with Howard for a while. After cable started going mainstream in the mid 80's a local television station in Atlanta called TBS owned by Ted Turner was offered to cable companies all over the United States. They picked the channel up mainly due to the fact that it aired baseball games by the Atlanta Braves. Turner dubbed his channel a "Super Station" and now nationwide was able to charge more for advertisements and be able to afford network quality programming. Channel 9 had the rights to air Mets baseball games and saw this as an opportunity to launch WOR as another Super Station. All they needed was a few signature shows to build regular viewers. They originally wanted Howard in 1987 but he was still in talks with Fox for a nighttime show on their network, so instead opted for Morton Downey Jr. promoting him as "the Howard Stern of television". Morton's show was an instant success and was not only available on the super station but put into syndication for markets without cable. By 1989 viewers became tired of Downy Jr. and ratings began to drop. When the show was cancelled WOR executives immediately turned to Howard who to their amazement accepted an offer to be on what was still local television.

    The show was only suppose to be on for a few weeks in the summer of 1990 and had it done well would be relaunched later on that year with a syndication deal and bigger budget. But Howard boasted he would beat Saturday Night Live, then in summer reruns, in the ratings which actually did happen. With phenomenal ratings WOR kept extending the show for more weeks eventually airing new episodes during the fall and amazingly beating Saturday Night Live even after new episodes started airing. With fall approaching "Summer Show" was dropped from the title and it was shortened to "Howard Stern". Later that year it was picked up for syndication. Two versions of the show existed. For the local broadcast Howard did live commercials for sponsors like Snapple and the P-Touch Fax machine. [ The first week he lost a sponsor, Newmark and Lewis. They had sent over a large cut out standee of the owner Dick Lewis to use in a live read of the commercial. During the commercial Howard kept referring to the standee as Big Dick and then handed it to guest Jessica Hahn and said "Here Jessica, you know how to handle Big Dick". Dick Lewis did not find that funny. Fortunately the other sponsors had a better sense of humor. ] The syndicated version did not have the live commercials but instead had extra footage that was not shown on the local version to make up for the missing commercials.

    The show continued to do well in the ratings and stayed on the air until summer of 1992 when it was suddenly cancelled. WOR claimed it was due to Howard's inability to get national sponsors which clashed with their plans to turn WOR into a Super Station. Howard claimed that he was the one who pulled the plug on the show because in it's two years Channel 9 never increased the budget like they had originally promised. Most likely it was a bit of both reasons. WOR was paying Howard and his staff shit for what was a huge hit show both locally and in syndication. But because Howard was so controversial he was unable to get major advertisers like McDonalds. [ Snapple was still up and coming at the time. Their success was mostly due to Howard. And yet even they at one time stopped advertising on the show because they thought he was too controversial. When sales plummeted they were back. ] Without major sponsors the show was not making enough money to pay Howard what he was promised. Whatever the reason the show went off the air while still a hit.

    #22] Howard Stern Mail Order Video For 1990

    THE PROJECT Howard mentioned he was shooting a third video and asked the listeners to send in their own video clips. Behind the scenes footage for the Philadelphia radio funeral was shot and would be part of the video.
    WHAT HAPPENED A full ten years before the show "Jackass" Howard was asking his viewers to send in videos of their own stunts. The idea came from the show "America's Home Video" and Howard would be holding his own contest called "America's Grossest Video" Most of the clips had listeners playing pranks or injuring themselves doing stunts. One fan clip reportedly had a listener holding up a firecracker and blowing apart one of his fingers. The behind the scene video shot during the Philadelphia for John DeBella had Howard, Fred, and Jackie in a hot tub with Jessica Hahn. This lead to two popular radio bits with Jackie Martling. Jessica had worn her teddy into the hot tub and when she later removed it to dry off Howard snuck it into Jackie's suitcase. When Jackie got home he found it seconds before his wife did and quickly disposed of it behind some thorn bushes in his back yard. Howard got Jackie to talk about it during the radio show where his wife was listening and found out about the hot tub. The next day Jackie started the show with his infamous apology to his wife Nancy.

    Nancy was not the only wife upset about Jessica. Alison was also upset with Howard and it was decided not to ever use the Jessica Hahn footage as well as other behind the scenes footage that reportedly showed Howard and Jackie flirting with the women they brought along on the bus trip to the funeral. Lawyers had also told Howard that most of the footage his viewers sent in could not be used because it involved them injuring themselves. Unable to use the fan footage or the Philadelphia road trip Howard had to plan reshooting new footage. This was put on hold when he began the Channel 9 show, and as it's episodes were expanded beyond the summer there was no longer any time to shoot any footage for the video. It was put on indefinite hiatus and two years later some of the footage was incorporated into "Butt Bongo Fiesta".
  3. P-B

    P-B SFN Gold Supporter

  4. Stethacantus Full Member

    #23]Howard Stern: Crucified By The FCC


    THE PROJECT: Howard announced that he would be releasing the controversial Christmas show that was fined by the FCC on audio tape and CD. As time went on Howard announced that it would also include bits that were either banned or censored by the various radio stations he worked at. Eventually he announced the box set of CDs would include classic bits as well.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The box set was released on both cassette tape and CD. Many fans were disappointed to find very few banned or censored bits and only about 13 minutes of the infamous Christmas show. What they ended up with was something that was one quarter documentary and three quarters "Best of". In fact many of the bits on the discs would regularly air during his "Best of.." radio shows. There were also complaints that some of the bits were edited, and many of the bits chosen for the disc, such as Bob & Ray and Fartman, were far from the best.

    Making Crucified By The FCC was a nightmare for Howard which explains his reluctance to release any of his radio shows on disc since. Back in 1988 Howard either signed a contract or made an agreement to release one video a year on mail order. [ this is why he retained the phone number 1-800-52-STERN for so many years. recently Sirius took the same number for their customer care department. ] Supposedly U.S. Open Sores was a pay-per-view event that fell through at the last minute and ended up being the match itself and a documentary released on video. In 1990 the Channel 9 show was an unexpected success and was expanded from just a few shows in the summer through the rest of the year. This left no time for any pay-per-view shows or direct to video specials. In 1991 the Channel 9 show was once again taking up most of Howard's time. A year earlier the FCC fined Howard and Infinity for a Christmas party he held in his studio. Many fans were either asking him to repeat the show or to sell tapes of it. Howard realized that the full Christmas episode could be a great substitute for another video. Besides, would his fans be that interested in buying a video now that they could see him for free on the Channel 9 show? Both Howard and Infinity were sure that the Christmas episode would be their best seller mail order item yet, especially since non listeners around the country would be interested in ordering and listening to the radio show that got the biggest FCC fines in history.

    Almost immediately there was a problem. Gina Girl. Back in the 80's Howard would end each year with a Christmas episode where listeners were invited down to the studio to give him presents and participate in a raunchy on the air Christmas party. In 1988 he was soliciting callers asking them what they would do to get into that year's party when they got a call from a woman claiming she wanted to do something called a gina dance. It did not take long for Howard to realize the woman was retarded and someone was giving her lines to say over the phone. That person turned out to be a frequent caller and occasional Wack Pack member who went by the name Crazy Jerry. Jerry had found a severely retarded woman and knowing that Howard would invite any woman into the studio who agreed to take off all her clothes, put her up to calling in to the show. Howard dubbed the woman Gina Girl and invited her an Jerry to the Christmas party. Howard knew he had hit gold when his mother called in to the show to reprimand him for his planned Christmas show and Gina Girl began to have an incoherent argument with her. During the Christmas party Gina Girl was constantly yelling things out and at one point performed her "gina dance" which involved her taking off all her clothes and jumping up and down. [ If you have not figured it out yet, she was suppose to be saying vagina dance. ] Gina Girl became a very popular Wack Pack member and was a show regular. Then one day Howard got a call from Gina Girl's legal guardian who had no idea that she was on the radio attempting to yell out obscenities and taking her clothes off. Not only did the guardian forbid Gina Girl from ever going on the show again but threatened to sue if Howard ever replayed any recordings of her.

    Infinity tried desperately to convince Gina Girl's guardian to sign a release allowing them to sell the Christmas show with no luck. Editing Gina Girl's voice out of the tape was out of the question as she was yelling stuff out all through the show, even while others were talking. A valiant attempt was made by Scott Salem to edit Gina Girl completely out of the Christmas show which amounted to only 12.7 minutes where Gina Girl was far enough off mike that you hardly heard her. Fortunately this included the two moments in the show the FCC sited when they handed down the fine, Howard saying "Black lesbians filled with lust" and a listener playing a Casio organ with his penis. Howard realized that what little of the episode he could use would work as a documentary and decided to dig out all the radio bits that had been banned or censored in the past. But this plan fell through as well when when he was unable to get NBC or DC101 to allow him to use bits he did at their stations therefore preventing Howard from including such notorious banned bits as "Virgin Mary Kong" and "Das Love Boot". Problem being that WXRK had been very tolerant with Howard and had never banned him from replaying anything other than the Christmas show. They did ask him to stop doing Bob & Ray bits with Robin, but had never exactly banned any past bit from being replayed. The problem there was finding a Bob & Ray bit that did not involve a phone caller who they could not get a release from. Howard decided to find all the shows where he had to hit the delay because a guest cursed on the air which included 'Grandpa" Al Lewis yelling "Fuck the FCC" at a rally and comedian Judy Tenuta losing it on the air and cursing. Still needing to fill the two disc set Howard decided to include classic bits, but once again had problems getting releases from others who participated in those bits. Only one Fartman bit was usable, and there were problems with "A CCCChristmas CCCCarol" A couple of years earlier Howard did a bit where members of the Wack Pack preformed a version of A Christmas Carol. One of those Wack Pack members was called Turrets Girl, a listener who had convinced Howard she had Turrets Syndrome and made a coughing uncontrollably. A few months later Howard found out that she did not have Turrets and was faking the condition just to get on the air, so she was banned from the show. Unfortunately she was one of the ghosts in the Christmas carol parody and refused to sign a release. Her part was edited out.

    A final version of the disc set was finally completed at the last minute and regrettably ended up using filler that was mostly year old radio bits. Even so "Crucified By The FCC" became the first mail order item Howard put out that did not have significant overstock. Nearly every set sold. However unlike the video tapes which became collectors items that trade for $80 and up on Ebay, "Crucified by the FCC" sells for $10 less than what it originally sold for, perhaps because of how easy it is to download unauthorized versions for free off of file sharing sites.

    #24] Howard Stern's Butt Bongo Fiesta


    THE PROJECT: Out of the blue Howard announced that he was going to release a new TV special onto video tape called "Butt Bongo Fiesta" and would include a segment shot in 3D.
    WHAT HAPPENED: As far back as WNBC Howard had been asking his women listeners to come down to the studio and take their tops off. When that became boring Howard escalated the bit to allowing him to paint their breasts [ Green on St. Patrick's Day and multi colored for Easter ]. This eventually escalated to having women come down to the studio an allow Howard to spank them. One day while spanking a listener Howard decided to play her ass like a bongo, and a new sport was born. The Butt Bongo fad did not last that long on Howard's show but for a while there it dominated it. Men would bring their wives and girlfriends down to the studio to compete in ass bongo playing. In all likelihood Howard wanted to have a butt bongo segment on his Channel 9 show.

    But by the fall of 2002 the Channel 9 show had been off the air for months. Naturally Howard would have had left over material he had wished to use on that show including Butt Bongo. The tape came with two pairs of 3D glasses for a segment taped in Pulfrich Stereoscopy. This method of 3D involved glasses where one lens is darker than the other causing the brain to think that images moving left to right are further away while objects moving right to left are closer. This effect is occasionally used to make flat 2D television images appear 3D. But it has it's limits. Only moving images appear in 3D, and the effect wears off after a couple of minutes as the brain adjusts to the glasses. On Howard's tape most of the 3D effects were either animated plants passing the screen right to left, or people [ and elephants too ] walking around in circles. Howard had see this form of 3D demonstrated during a Super Bowl halftime performance and hired technicians to do the same on his tape.

    #25] The Howard Stern Interview


    THE PROJECT: Howard announced that he would have a celebrity interview show on a cable channel that no one had.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The E! Channel was launched as Movietime in 1987. In 1990 it relaunched as E! and as 24 hours version of Entertainment Tonight style programming. By 1992 E! was still available to very few cable subscribers. They needed subscribers to ask their respective cable companies to add the channel and felt by giving Howard Stern an interview show they could get his millions of listeners who did not have E! to do so. This is usually referred to as bait programming. New struggling cable channels would program shows and hire celebrities they knew had cult followings so that viewers would have a reason to ask the channel be added. E! was not only a channel that hardly any of Howard's listeners had but had never heard of before Howard promoted it on his show. only about 27 episodes were made and the show was pulled off of E! after a year, but not because the show had failed. It was responsible for the E! channel being added to cable services all across the country and was their most viewed show at the time. What happened was Howard no longer wanted to do it. He was already getting the same guests on his radio show and felt that it was extra work interviewing them twice in the same week. There was a simple solution to this, a new show that Howard wanted to do for the E! channel. You probably know what the show was, but for those of you who don't, stay tuned.......

    #26]The Larry Sanders Show


    THE PROJECT: For the first [ and still only ] time Howard was asked to appear in a scripted television show. He would be playing himself.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Was filmed, has aired, and until Garry Shandling decides to put the rest of the series on DVD it will remain a lost episode. Howard usually turns down television appearances, but this show had two things going for it. One was that Howard thought it was one of the greatest shows ever made for television. The other was that it was all timed out to promote this.......

    #27]Private Parts


    THE PROJECT: Howard's first ever book.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Howard had mentioned many times before he wanted to write a book and at one time got as far as saying he had a deal to write a cook book. That is probably why no one took him serious about this book until it was actually in print. For millions of Howard Stern fans there was reason to rejoice. For the first time since 50 Ways To Rank Your Mother Howard would be releasing a product that you did not have to mail order. It reached #1 on the New York Times Best Selling Book chart and within a week became Simon & Schuster's all time best selling book ever. Just about the only negative thing to happen was the book tour. Too many fans showed up to have their book signed and had to be turned away nearly causing a riot. But the day was not a total fiasco. The first person on the line was Crack Head Bob who went on to be a very popular Wack Pack member.

    #28]Private Parts Infomercial

    THE PROJECT: A half hour commercial shown on E! for the book private parts to be hosted by a respected English actor.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The host was Patrick MacNee [ Sir Harden Thike was not available ]. Not actually an infomercial but a special as it had commercial breaks. The night it aired news broke of Michael Jackson being arrested for his first child molestation trial. Instead of breaking in to the infomercial with the news E! ran a news ticker along the bottom of the screen.

    #29] Private Parts Audio Book

    THE PROJECT: The audio version of Private Parts. Howard mentioned on the air that there would be one.
    WHAT HAPPENED: According to Howard he wanted to read the audio book but decided it should have sound effects and guest speakers. For instance in chapters where he talks about his parents they would add their own audio commentary about the events, or during the Fartman chapter having fart sound effects. Inevitably what he wanted became such a big production that recording the actual audio was delayed while he wrote a new script for the audio book. Inevitably the project became too expensive or too overwhelming or Howard took too much time that Simon & Scuster got fed up and cancelled the project. [ Howard never said exactly why the audio book was cancelled, only that the problem was it turned into a big production. ] At one point though Howard seriously thought about doing the audio book but read by someone else. It was after David Letterman did a comedy sketch where they pretended to listen to part of the audio book as read by James Earl Jones. If James earl Jones could read a few lines of Private Parts as part of a Letterman sketch could he be convinced to read the whole book for real? Other famous actors were also brought up as possibly reading the book and even allowing members of the Wack Pack was suggested. But nothing came of this either.

    #30] Miss Howard Stern New Years Eve Pageant


    THE PROJECT: A pay-per-view special that would broadcast live in 1993 and continued through the 2004 New Year's Eve countdown, followed by a beauty pageant for Miss Howard Stern. [ But not the current Miss Howard Stern. this one only held her crown for a couple of years. ]
    WHAT HAPPENED: Went off without a hitch. With his radio empire continuing to grow and the phenomenal success of his book Howard Stern was having one successful year that he had to end with a bang. Apparently the real purpose for the pay-per-view special was for Howard to release yet another video......

    #31] Howard Stern's New Years Rotten Eve


    THE PROJECT: The very first minute of the very first day of 1994 that Howard returned on the air from his Christmas vacation he announced that for his listeners who could not get the pay-per-view special he was releasing it on mail order video.
    WHAT HAPPENED: This was the last of the mail order items that Howard sold to his fans and probably the last one he was obligated to release. Howard had already done the new Years Eve stunt a decade earlier with success and decided to do it again. This time there was more publicity for the contestants as they were chosen on the air in the weeks before the special aired. The pageant on the video tape was five minutes shorter, but there was 42 minutes worth of bonus behind the scenes and making of footage. Once again there were complaints about tape quality and late deliveries. My own personal experience: I had assumed that Howard would be selling the pay-per-view commercial on home video and at 12 midnight the night before he was scheduled to return from Christmas vacation I called 1-800-52-STERN and found they were taking orders for the tape. I gave them my credit card number and they took down my address and other relevant information. If I was not the first person to order the tape was at the least within the first hundred people to order it. Sure enough a couple of weeks later Howard started getting phone calls from listeners who had received their tapes, some who claimed they had just ordered a few days before. And sure enough once again I had to wait nearly a full month for my tape to arrive. Howard's people never did fix the delivery problems, which is probably why he gave up offering mail order items. The difference between going in to a book store the day Private Parts came out and buying the book, and waiting weeks to get New years Rotten Eve in the mail was like night and day. But I can't complain. Some listeners claimed they had a two month wait while others reported their tape must have been lost in transit and had to have a new one sent, which made it three or more months before their tape arrived.

    One side note. About a week after Howard returned from vacation and announced the video was for sale Robin threw him an on the air surprise party. [ one of many back then ] One of the guests was the artist Leroy Neiman who presented Howard with a portrait of him as a gift.


    Howard took about half a minute to marvel that he was immortalized by one of the great artists of our age, then suddenly started saying that it would be nice if he could give his listeners a free poster of the painting that would come free with the video. Neiman agreed to it and by the end of the interview it was official: Order "New Year's Rotten Eve" and get with it a free Leroy Neiman portrait of Howard. Now I happen to know a little something about the art world. Even if you buy a painting you still have to ask the artists permission to use it commercially. And artists rarely allow their paintings to be used commercially unless they are paid very well. It is very unlikely that Leroy Neiman would agree to allow Howard to use the painting commercially right there on the spot. At the least he would tell Howard to have his agent call him and arrange a deal, but more likely would have been offended and would have stormed off. It is more likely that the deal to use the painting had been arranged ahead of time. In other words that was no gift but a painting Howard had commissioned for use as a poster for his tape. Therefore he knew he was getting the painting as a gift and therefore the whole thing was nothing but theatrics. And that would also mean that he knew in advance that there was going to be a surprise party for the painting to be given away at. Confirming this suspicion was that listeners were getting the poster a week later. It would take longer than a week to turn artwork into posters and have them all printed and then all shipped out.

    The Leroy Neiman poster was not the first freebie to be given away with one of Howard's mail order products. The Underpants Party tape came with a poster, well, actually a strip of paper with pictures folded in half. Butt Bongo came with two pairs of 3D glasses, and Crucified by the FCC came with a booklet. Open Sores came with nothing.
  5. Stethacantus Full Member

    #32] Private Parts Paperback Edition


    THE PROJECT: Private Parts was coming out in paperback. As an incentive for his listeners to buy a second copy of the book there would be 60 new pages.
    WHAT HAPPENED: 60 new pages?? There was about three pages written by Howard and 57 pages of newspaper clippings about the book tour. What a rip off. And if that was not bad enough the paperback was released with two covers, one showing the left side of Howard's face and the other showing the right side. The book also had a fold out mock up of a poster for an upcoming Private Parts movie and a contest form where the winner would get a walk on part in the new movie. But more about the movie later......

    #33] Howard Stern [ a.k.a. The E! Show ]


    THE PROJECT: You know how many times you heard something happening on the Howard Stern show an say "Golly gee, I wish this was on television so I could see it." Well now folks there were television cameras in Howard's studio. For those of you who were able to get your cable company to add the E! channel you are in luck. Every night you would be seeing highlights from that days show. The guests, the naked girls, the studio antics, Baba Booey's teeth, now all on your television screen.
    WHAT HAPPENED: After making some test shows that may or may not have aired, the E! show began regular broadcasts June 20 1994. The original concept was to show the visual stuff going on in the studio and during the radio show Howard would often mention that he was holding something up [ usually an unflattering drawing of Gary sent in by listeners ] and that you would see it on the E! show. But that is not what happened. First of all it was usually two days before it would air, and with an emphasis on airing celebrity interviews quite often things that Howard promised would be on the E! show never aired. This was the natural evolution of Howard's interview show. Instead of a one on one interview you had the guests in Howard's radio studio. But the cost was that every celebrity that came in got at least an entire episode. Never saw that painting of Gary in a zoo that some listener sent in? hat was because E! chose to air his interview with Leeza Gibbons instead. And whenever A list celebrities visited the studio E! would edit the appearance into two episodes. When Rosanne Barr came in as a guest, what was less than a half hour long on the radio was somehow padded out to an hour and a half on E! The first episode was Howard talking about what he should ask Rosanne when she came in, some footage of Rosanne entering the green room, then her finally entering the studio where the show ended on a sort of cliff hanger. On the following night the show was padded out by showing 30 second previews of what was coming up after the commercial break, and after the break recapping the last minute of the interview prior to the break. Eventually Howard stopped saying you would see something on E! unless it was something big [ like when A.J. Benza punched Stuttering John ] or a planned event [ Like Hollyweird Squares ]. The show lasted on E! for 11 years and was finally cancelled in 2005 even though it was the channels top rated show. E! gave the old "we are taking the channel in a new direction" excuse, but it was a combination of the channel being run by someone who did not like Howard and the FCC threatening to begin fining cable broadcasts.

    #34] The Adventures Of Fartman


    THE PROJECT: After years of saying that he would be in a movie, in 1992 Howard made a big announcement on the air. He was going to do a movie for New Line Cinema and the movie would be called "The Adventures Of Fartman"
    WHAT HAPPENED: Fartman first appeared on National Lampoon's White Album as a short sketch where he talks about his powers. Howard expanded the idea and began calling people up saying he was Fartman. These were usually long distance calls to hotels in Mideastern countries warning the confused desk clerk that as Fartman he would take revenge for acts of terrorism by using his flatulent powers. Howard continued the bit on and off throughout the 80's. When Adam West was a guest on the Channel 9 show Howard and Fred wrote a sketch where he was a teacher for a superhero school. Howard played Fartman and for the first time a costume was created. It was not too long after that Howard announced the plans for a Fartman feature film. According to Howard he was a guest on The Tonight Show and joked to Leno that he was going to do a Fartman movie. Watching the show was JF Lawton who had just scripted two hit movies, "Pretty Woman" and "Under Siege". Lawton was trying to come up with an idea for a movie he could write and direct and thought Fartman would be perfect. He pitched the movie to New Line Cinema and they green lighted it.

    For the next few months Howard promoted the fact that his Fartman movie would be written by the hottest script writer in Hollywood. Music guests wanted to be on the soundtrack album. The band Enough Z'nuff came in to perform the song "Silent But Deadly" which they had hoped would be the movie's theme song. That year at the 1992 MTV Video Music Awards Howard appeared as Fartman in a newly designed costume to promote the upcoming movie. It would have been filmed that following year with a release date somewhere around 1994.

    And then the project fell apart. Howard claims it was because that New Line Cinema wanted full rights to the merchandising of the movie and he did not want to give it to them. The story seems odd as National Lampoon who created the character should have had the merchandising rights. Howard said that he was going to bring the movie to another studio, but while this was happening his book Private Parts became a best seller. Rysher Entertainment wanted to make the book into a movie and Fartman was shelved. Private Parts took longer than expected to make and by the time it was finished shooting Lawton was busy with another project, the television show VIP with Pamela Anderson. On the air Howard suggested that Fartman would be a good followup to Private Parts but eventually began to realize how silly and embarrassing a movie about a farting superhero would be.

    #35] Governor Of New York


    THE PROJECT: And then one day on the air Howard made an announcement that the Libertarian Party had asked him to run on their ticket as a candidate for Governor of new York State. He wasn't kidding.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The Libertarian Party was formed in 1971 and stood for less government interference, less regulations, less taxes, and more civil rights. In the fall of 1994 they were at risk of being eliminated from the state ballot unless they came up with an independent candidate who could get several thousand votes in the next general election. Only about six parties can fit on a ballot so the ones who get the least votes in elections are eliminated and replaced with parties who do well with write in votes. Boring, right? But basically this is why from time to time these small political parties get celebrity candidates they know would never win, like Grandpa Al Lewis. Howard was approached by members of the libertarian Party who felt none of their perspective candidates would get more than a few hundred votes in the next election. They wanted to nominate Howard at their next convention hoping enough of his listeners would vote for him and keep their party on the ballot.

    Howard asked his listeners to join the Libertarian party so they could vote at their convention. He pledged to bring back the death penalty, to fill the potholes in state roads with the ashes of the executed convicts, and to stay in office long enough to sign those laws and then resign. [ He assumed it would take only one day for this to happen. ] He picked Stan Dworken, who was more or less the first politician who called in to his show, to be his lieutenant governor. Most of the Libertarian party was against Stern. Their party was at the time against the death penalty and Stan Dworkin, who was a former legislator who was opposed to many of the Libertarian's platforms. But since thousands of Stern fans had joined the party Howard and Dworken were both voted onto the ticket with no problem. The Libertarian Party was hijacked for a radio bit.

    Radio bit or not Howard continued to aggressively campaign, going on a bus tour with Dworkin and the recently crowned Miss Howard Stern that was broadcast live over the radio. Howard did still have a contract with Infinity and there is some question if they would let him out of it should he actually win the election. But early on during the campaign season Howard got a significant percentage of the vote and was an actual threat to win the governorship. He suddenly dropped out of the election claiming in a press conference that the reason was that he did not want to disclose his salary with Infinity. The Libertarian party was now stuck with Stan Dworkin as their candidate. And to make matters worse just before the election Howard threw his full support to the Republican candidate George Pataki and asking all his listeners to vote for him. The Libertarians did not get any of the votes from Howard's listeners they were hoping for.

    Speculation as to why Howard dropped out ranges from him fearing he would actually win and be forced to give up the radio empire he worked so hard to build for a job he was not prepared for, to Infinity or WXRK reading him the riot act and telling him he would be fired or sued if he did not stop using his radio show to promote his candidacy which would in turn take him away from the show should he win. Another interesting theory is that Pataki or the Republican party secretly approached Howard and asked him to drop out of the race and endorse their candidate. This theory is backed up by Howard being invited to sit behind Pataki during his inauguration. Fans are still divided as to if Howard seriously wanted to become the next mayor or if this was just a wacky radio stunt.

    #36] Miss America


    THE PROJECT: Howard announced he was writing a second book which would be a sequel to Private parts.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Miss America was just as successful as Private Parts. The only problems this time was a threatened lawsuit by the organizers of the Miss America pageant for using their copyrighted name without their permission. Howard had wanted to call the book something else but the publisher had turned down many other proposed titles including Mein Kampf and Getting Away With Murder.

    #37]Miss America Infomercial

    THE PROJECT: Half hour long infomercial that was scheduled to air on E!
    WHAT HAPPENED: This time Howard was in the infomercial. It was a parody of the "Amazing Inventions" infomercials where Howard comes in as a guest of an obnoxious host to promote his book.

    #38]Miss America Paperback Edition


    THE PROJECT: Once again another paperback book with bonus pages the hardcover did not have.
    WHAT HAPPENED: This time it was only 8 pages and of color photos. There would also be three different covers, each exactly the same but with a different color dress and hair color. Collect them all.

    #39] Private Parts [ original version ]

    THE PROJECT: Howard announced that he had signed with a independent film company called Rysher to make a movie based on his book Private Parts. A few months later Howard was gloating about the progress of the movie, about how funny the script was, and even mentioned that the director of Rocky was attach to the project.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The movie fell apart. Howard would later claim that the original version of Private Parts had a horrible script. As an example he said that in the opening scene he comes home to his kids running around the house and their nanny who is Richard Simmons is trying to clam them down. Since Howard had final script approval in his contract he turned it down. About four or five times the script was sent back for a rewrite and Howard said that each script was worse than the last. After two years Howard decided to pull the plug on the movie and go back to his original Fartman project when Ivan Reitman asked if he could take over as producer.....

    #40] Private Parts


    THE PROJECT: Howard Stern announced that Ivan Reitman had taken over as the producer of the Private Parts movie [ good news], that it was now on track an would finally get filmed [ better news ], and that it was going to be directed by Betty Thomas [ great new.... uh.. what? ? ? ].
    WHAT HAPPENED: This was basically a completely different movie project than what would have been the original Private Parts movie. The original version Rysher wanted to put out was a screwball comedy that portrayed a wacky day in the life of Howard Stern. Reitman thought he could get a much better movie out of a straightforward biopic. Betty Thomas was an unusual choice for Director. Thomas was still remembered as Sgt. Lucy Bates from the television show "Hill Street Blues" and to date had only directed two notable films, "The Brady Bunch" and the made for TV movie "The Late Shift". Not that it really mattered as by then Reitman was in full creative control of the film. A rough cut of the movie was shown to test audiences who gave it the highest marks since "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade". Even so Ivan saw that the movies biggest flaw was that in general women did not like Howard Stern. Ivan decided to make the final edit of the movie basically a chick flick concentrating on the love story between Alison and Howard.

    Private Parts was released to theaters March 7 1997 making $14 million and winning #1 at the box office. Disney had released the Tim Allen movie "Jungle to Jungle" the same weekend and claimed that Paramount had cheated by releasing the movie a day early as a preview in cities where Howard Stern's radio show could be heard and then including the preview profits as part of the weekend gross. If you just added the weekend gross [ Friday, Saturday, and Sunday ] then "Jungle to Jungle" would have come in first at the box office. A week later despite "Private Parts" getting rave reviews from critics grossed less than "Jungle to Jungle" which was getting poor reviews. The Tim Allen film would go on to make $18 million more than "Private Parts". Both movies quickly dropped out of the top 10. Since Private Parts had been predicted to gross more than $100 million but barely grossed $41 million it was considered a flop by the media. Howard himself had predicted it would be the all time box office champ [ this would happen a year latter when "Titanic" grossed more than $1 billion ] but the movie did not even make that years top 10. [ in comparison the awful franchise killing "Batman & Robin" came in at #7 grossing over $102 million ]. But as far as Paramount was concerned the movie was a success as it only cost $20 million to make.

    Howard himself tried to spin the movie as a success claiming that although it was released by Paramount it had been produced as a low budget movie by the independent studio Rysher, and for an independent movie $41 million was a huge success. But in terms of his listeners the movie far underperformed. At the time Howard had about 10 Million listeners. The average movie ticket then cost $8. That should have meant that if every listener saw the movie once it should have grossed $80 million. And take into account that many of the listeners who went to see Private Parts saw it more than once and that a good portion of the people who did see the movie were not listeners of his radio show [ about a quarter of them lived in areas where the show was not yet syndicated ] and you have an estimated 6 - 9% of Howard's listeners bothering to see the movie. [ somewhere around 250,000 of his 10 million listeners, or about 1 out of 4 ]. One possible explanation for this was that Private Parts was being marketed as a story about following your dreams and as a love story between Howard and his then wife Alison. Most of Howard's listeners wanted a raunchy X rated movie and probably did not feel like spending the $8 on a feel good movie. As was later proven when George Bush won a second term in office despite Howard strongly supporting John Kerry, just because Howard asks his listeners to do something does not mean they will all do it.

    #41] Private Parts World Premiere

    THE PROJECT: Howard invited hundreds of his listeners to join him at the World Premiere of Private Parts. For the first time ever tickets would be sold for a movie premiere. And there would be a concert!!
    WHAT HAPPENED: The premiere was held at the Paramount Theater at Madison Square Gardens [ it was formerly called the Felt Forum and Howard had held a New Years Eve concert there before]. To accommodate as many listeners as possible there would be two screenings, one with the celebrity guests and the other with only Howard and some of the cast members. Lucky listeners were able to land tickets for the celebrity screening. West 31st Street was blocked off for the red carpet viewing area and the concert. Howard lucked out. It was an unusually warm February day and evening, somewhere around the upper 70's. The listeners were not as lucky. In order to get the tickets you had to stand overnight on line at the HMV at 34th Street, or rather half way down 33rd Street which is where the end of the line was by the day before. That night was one of the coldest of the year with the temperature dropping near the single digits. And then when you got halfway to the ticket counter "Surprise!! All the tickets are sold out!!!" and you had to then go back to 34th Street to buy the tickets from scalpers who somehow got their hands on stacks of them and were selling them for ten times the original price. And if that was not bad enough the police screwed up the concert and viewing area. Instead of only allowing ticket holders in it was first come - first served. So the unlucky ticket holders who did not stake out a spot in the middle of the day, because after all they had tickets to the event, ended up being turned away because the area was already filled. many ticket holders were unable to see the concert while some claimed they were not even able to get near the theater entrance and even with a ticket were unable to see the movie. Supposedly Paramount did eventually give refunds to anyone with an unpunched ticket.

    #42] Private Parts: The Album

    The album cover for the Private Parts soundtrack along with the four alternative covers

    THE PROJECT: Howard Stern announced that there would be a soundtrack album for the movie Private Parts and would regularly play tracks that would be on it.
    WHAT HAPPENED: It was released a week before the movie and debuted at #1 on the album chart. It was also the fastest selling soundtrack in history according to Billboard Magazine. I went Platinum a week later. But what is a Stern album without some behind the scene drama? One recording artist who Howard refuses to refer to by name had agreed to submit a song to the album but just before the CD was ready to be pressed changed his mind and revoked the recording. Howard was forced at the last second to find an alternative recording. LL Cool J Submitted a song called "I Make My Own Rules" which he did with Dave Navarro, Chad Smith, and Flea. His record lable refused to allow him to use his name on the album so it is blanked out.

    Much like what was done with the Private Parts paperback books, the soundtrack album was released in multiple covers. Aside from the standard cover there was four limited edition covers. The rareist one featured a nude Howard Stern with his private parts and nipples covered up by the hands of some women standing behind him. It was only made available to radio stations to give away as promotional prizes. One of the albums had a gold cetificate that the person who found it could redeem for a solid gold CD. No one ever found it.
  6. Stethacantus Full Member

    #43] Singles From The Private Parts Soundtrack Album

    The single for Hard Charger, if you could even find it.

    The single for "The Great American Nightmare" which was sent to radio stations only

    THE PROJECT: At least three singles that were suppose to be released off the Private Parts soundtrack.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Very limited release. So few discs were pressed of Hard Charger that most listeners had to buy import discs. There supposedly exists CD discs for "The Great American Nightmare" and "Tortured Man" but I have never seen them anywhere other than the promo CDs released to radio stations only.

    #44] Hard Charger Music Video


    THE PROJECT: Howard Stern in a music video with Porno For Pyros for a song from the Private Parts soundtrack.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The video was completed and got the word primer treatment from MTV and went into heavy rotation. But as soon as the movie began to fall out of the box office top 10 MTV pulled the video from rotation. It was last confirmed airing on the MTV2 A to Z millenium video marathon in 2000. Howard can be glimpsed in a few brief shots during the video. Many fans speculated that it was not Howard at all but a stand in. The video was made prior to Ivan Reitman's final edit and has lots of what would become deleted scenes from the movie.

    #45] Media Blitz To Promote Private Parts

    Some of the many magazine covers featuring Howard Stern during his media blitz

    THE PROJECT: Howard was not just promising the odd Letterman appearance to promote his movie. In the weeks before the movie he would appear all over television and in every magazine.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Howard was not kidding. It helped that his worked for Infinity Radio which had merged with CBS and Viacom, and Viacom in turn owned Paramount who was distributing the movie. So basically every magazine and television show owned by these companies was going to promote the movie. And there was also the teaser trailer that aired during the Super Bowl. Howard made the rounds to all the usual talk shows including The Today Show [ during his own radio show ], The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Late Show with David Letterman, Larry King Live, Maury Povich, Fox After Breakfast, and Late Night with Conan O'Brian. He also turned up on some unusual shows. On Entertainment Tonight [ which owned by Paramount did frequent features on Private Parts that month ] Howard made a guest appearance to read that days celebrity birthdays. He made a surprise appearance on Wheel of Fortune when the answer to one of the puzzles was "Howard Stern's Private Parts". Another surprise appearance was during Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live where he told Norm McDonald he was only talented cast member and 90% of the show sucked. [ The untalented cast included Molly Shannon, Chris Kattan, Will Ferrell, Jim Breuer, and Darrell Hammond who ten years later Howard would call talented during an interview on his Sirius show ] Howard also traveled overseas to promote his movie in other countries. He screened it at the Cannes Film Festival and appeared on the British television show TFI Friday. And of course he promoted the movie every night on his E! show. Other cast members from Private Parts made the interview rounds. Gary, Fred, and Jackie were interviewed together on an hour long special on E! Robin followed Howard on Letterman as a guest a week later. Robin was the first guest that night and the second guest was Lolita Davidovich who was in the movie "Jungle to Jungle". Davidovich claimed her movie had actually won that weeks box office because "Private Parts" cheated by including the receipts from the previews for the weekend gross.

    There were also plenty of "Making of..." specials that aired on pretty much every cable channel. At the time movie studios would release video press kits that included movie clips, behind the scenes footage, and interviews with the cast. Cable channels were allowed to reedit the videos int their own "Making Of.." specials. There was also a syndicated "Making Of Private Parts" special But the Making Of specials that aired on E! [ Behind The Scenes: Private Parts ], VH1, and MTV had exclusive interviews with Howard and exclusive behind the scenes footage. E! aired live coverage of the premiere and later the after party. Between the live coverage, repeats of the live coverage, and Howard's E! show the whole night on that channel was devoted to the Private Parts premiere. MTV was also heavily into promoting Private Parts. Along with their Making Of special was an original special Howard made for the channel called "Howard Stern's Private Screening" where he ambushed people on the street asking them to step into his limo and watch scenes from his movie then asking them their opinion, and "Howard Stern's Private Parts Private Party" which was a half hour taped delayed live broadcast coverage of the movie premiere and concert. These specials ran constantly on the channel and when MTV actually got back to airing videos one of them was "Hard Charger". But as soon as Private Parts dropped out of the box office top 10 without earning it's predicted $100 million MTV yanked all the specials from airplay along with the Hard Charger video. They did not air again during any of the year end "Best of the Year" programming even though all of the other making of specials did including "The Making of Batman & Robin". MTV even refused to nominate Private Parts for any MTV Movie Awards. Fortunately Blockbuster did not forget Howard and nominated him for "Best New Actor" beating out Casper Van Dien and Michael Jai White.

    The media blitz was not confined to television. There were plenty of press conferences and interviews for other radio shows. On the streets a van circled New York City that had a small screening room. Wherever it stopped pedestrians were invited in to watch exclusive clips from the movie. There were also interviews done for newspapers all over the country including New York Times and Daily News. There were also plenty of magazine articles beginning with the Jan/Feb 1997 issue of Movieline followed by the March 6-13th issue of Time Out Magazine, March 7th issue of Entertainment Weekly, March 10th issue of The New Yorker and the same day a small article in Time, March 17 issue of People. Other magazines that featured interviews and/or articles of Howard included the April issues of Playboy, Penthouse, and Esquire. Howard was in Rolling Stone twice in March. The March 20th issue had an interview but a week earlier the March 6th issue came with a fold out Private Parts poster [ the same poster was also available in the 1997 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue]. The March 8th - 14th issue of TV Guide had an article on Howard's transition from television star [ for his E! show ] to movie star. Howard was on the cover of that issue, but only on the issues sold in news stands. Those who had TV Guide subscriptions got Law & Order's Benjamin Bratt. Howard was credited as writing an article for the March issue of Los Angeles magazine but claimed on the radio he had not written the article at all, that he did do an interview for the magazine but very little of it was in the article. The March issue of Vanity Fair had an interview with Howard and his wife Alison while the April issue of Marie Clair had an rare one on one interview with Alison. Outside of the United States Howard appeared in countless other magazines to promote the foreign release of the movie. But the magazine article Howard was most proud of was from issue #359 of Mad Magazine, the parody "Private Putz"

    #46]Private Parts Movie Tie-In Edition


    THE PROJECT: The paperback edition of Private Parts re-released as a movie tie in
    WHAT HAPPENED: There was nothing new with this edition other than a new cover based on the movie poster. Never the less the book re-entered the New York Times best seller's list so that the same week Howard had the #1 movie in America, the #1 album in America, and the #1 paperback in America.

    #47] The Great American Nightmare Music Video

    THE PROJECT: Howard said that Rob Zombie wants to direct a music video for The Great American Nightmare. Howard said the idea Rob had was fantastic and he wanted to do it.
    WHAT HAPPENED: As pointed out Warner Brother Records gave a low printing to the Hard Charger single and had only released a promo to radio stations of The Great American Nightmare. When Rob and Howard told them they wanted to do a music video the answer was yes provided Howard agreed to air it a few times a week on his E! show. Warner Brothers knew that MTV had pulled the Hard Charger video from rotation and had let them know that they would not be airing any other videos from the soundtrack. VH1 was also uninterested in airing any videos from the soundtrack. Warner Brothers did not see any point spending tens of thousands on a video that would not air anywhere. For some reason Howard did not seem to understand that if he did not air the video on his E! show then it would not have aired anywhere else. He refused to air the video on the E! show and Warner Brothers refused to finance it.

    #48] Private Parts on Home Video

    Various releases of Private Parts on home video. Starting clockwise from upper left: Private Parts on VHS; Alternative VHS cover for family stores like K-Mart; Release in Poland on optical disk, the award winning "Części Intymne"; on DIVX; French language DVD "Parties Intimes"; Brazilian DVD "O Rei da Baixaria", Spanish Language VHS "Partes Privadas"; DVD released in America; cover for the U.K. home video release; "Private Parts" on Laserdisc.

    THE PROJECT: The movie available to own or rent.
    WHAT HAPPENED: "Private Parts" was initially released on VHS and Laserdisc with no extras. A second VHS was released with an alternate cover that did not show Howard naked so that family friendly stores like K-Mart could safely have the movies on their shelves [ and what a surprise when that family got the video home ]. Less than a year later it was released on the new formats of DVD and DIVX for home computers. It was also released in various countries who enjoyed the movie even though they had no idea who Howard was. As of now everything is out of print in the U.S. due to a dispute between Howard and Paramount on a deluxe edition.

    #49] Batman Triumphant

    THE PROJECT: Allegedly Howard was in talks with Warner Brothers to play the Scarecrow in the next Batman movie.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Director Joel Schumacher announced that he did not want Howard cast in the next Batman movie. "I wish him the best of luck with his acting endeavors, but I'm not considering him for any of my films." was Schumacher's official comment. Howard denied that he was ever in serious talks to be in the movie but still went on a major rant against Schumacher calling the latest movie "Batman & Robin" the worst film ever made and the director a talentless hack. It should be pointed out that Joel Schumacher had no say in the casting of the Batman movies. A few years later Schumacher admitted in an interview that he had little say in how the Batman movies were made or cast. The studio had fired Tim Burton from the series because they wanted more control. Schumacher took over understanding that he was following strict directions from the studio heads. It was at their insistence that the Batman series went from dark to campy. When Batman & Robin did poorly in the theaters [ but still made over $100 million in profit ] and got bad reviews from critics and comic book fans everywhere ] the studio scapegoated Schumacher and put the series on hiatus. Batman Triumphant [ which was suppose to be the fifth film in the series ] was never made. In 2005 the series was rebooted by Christopher Nolan who chose The Scarecrow as the movie's villain. While many Stern fans insist that Howard was originally considered to play the Scarecrow in "Batman Begins" the movie is part of a completely different series than the Burton/Schumacher series.

    #50] The Howard Stern Radio Show


    THE PROJECT: Howard announced that he was doing a Saturday night show for CBS that would beat Saturday Night Live in the ratings
    WHAT HAPPENED: Fans were disappointed to find out that the CBS show was basically the E! show. They had remembered the now legendary Channel 9 Show and had hoped the CBS show would be the same. Actually the CBS show was an upgrade of the E! show with better production value and interviews edited down to just the best moments. It was not really on CBS but syndicated to CBS stations who had the option of airing it or airing their own programming. It lasted two seasons before CBS cancelled it claiming low ratings. Unlike the Channel 9 show that actually beat SNL in the ratings, the CBS show was seen as nothing more than the E! show repackaged. In point of fact the CBS show had first crack at the studio footage and E! did not get the interviews until two weeks after it aired on CBS.

    #51] Jane

    THE PROJECT: A movie Howard was going to do with Melanie Griffith. This was suppose to be Howard's follow up to Private Parts.
    WHAT HAPPENED: It was an independent movie made for the studio Ministry of Film Inc. Howard had a supporting role as a record executive. Howard agreed to do it rearranging his schedule [ re: his vacations ] so that he would have time to film his scenes. But the studio had not yet found enough investors and had hoped to attract more now that Stern was in the cast. The money ran out a few weeks before filming was to begin and the production was put on hold. When a new investor was found the shoot was rescheduled but was now to take place during the days that Howard was not on vacation. Unable to do the movie his part was recast, but once Howard was no longer in the movie investors dropped out and the film was cancelled. Howard had been promised $1.5 million but now that the movie was no longer being made Ministry of Film Inc. decided they no longer had to pay him. Howard filed a lawsuit claiming that the producers had not told him or the other actors that the film was not financed when they hired him. It was settled out of court for $50,000.

    #52] Brother Sam

    THE PROJECT: Howard bought the rights to Sam Kinison's biography and announced he was going to produce the movie version.
    WHAT HAPPENED: It was the beginning of the Howard Stern Production Company and this was to be it's first production. But no studio was interested in doing a movie about a controversial comedian who dies in a auto accident. Eventually the movie rights ran out and some other producer bought them.

    #53] Private Parts Television Edit [a.k.a. The USA Network Version]


    THE PROJECT: A new version of Private Parts that was going to be shown on the USA Network
    WHAT HAPPENED: Since Private Parts was an 'R' rated movie it would have to be edited for television. Howard decided to be part of this process. A new introduction was shot where Howard explains why the movie had to be edited for television and during the movie from time to time the picture freezes and Howard walks out on screen to explain why a scene had to be edited or to comment on something going on during the movie. It was basically the same movie as seen in the theaters but with language bleeped and adult content blurred and with the new commentary footage. None of the deleted scenes were used. Although called the USA Version it has since been shown on other channels [ most recently VH1 ] and is the version that will be shown in syndication.

    #54] Son Of The Beach


    THE PROJECT: Howard announced that he was producing his first television show which would be a parody of Baywatch.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Timothy Stack had starred in the Jerry Springer Show parody "Night Stand". In one episode they get a prank call from a Howard Stern fan and Stack annoyed at the call claims he does not know who this Howard Stern person is and never heard of him, but then goes on to name everyone on his show. Howard was given a sound clip of that scene and he would regularly play it going into commercial breaks. A few years later E! got the rights to "Night Stand" reruns and aired them as a lead in to Howard's show. Stack approached Howard with an idea for a show that would be a parody of Baywatch. No doubt Stack had not only heard Howard mention his production company many times on the air but also knew that at the time Howard would regularly talk about Baywatch and called it one of his favorite shows. Howard in turn shopped the show around to different cable networks and surprisingly Rupert Murdoch was interested in buying the show for his FX Network. FX had been launched in 1994 as a channel that aired reruns of Fox network shows and 2oth Century Fox movies. Six years later very few cable companies had added the channel and it was still unavailable in New York City. Murdoch saw how Howard had turned E! from an obscure cable channel that no one had to a major channel available on all cable systems. Wanting the same for FX Murdoch was willing to bury the hatchet with Stern.

    Stack and the shows other writers clearly pandered to Howard's listeners. Not only were show regulars and Wack Pack members frequently cast in cameo roles but jokes and plot lines were lifted from radio bits. For example Gilbert Gottfried was cast in two episodes. The first he played a rabbi much like the rabbi character he frequently did when a guest on Howard's radio show. The second he was turned into a vampire much like Dracula Gottfried. The humor on the show was hit and miss. Some jokes were embarrassingly bad while others were hilarious. Howard compared the humor in the show to that of "Get Smart".

    Howard heavily promoted Son Of The Beach on his radio show and invited in guest stars to talk about their roles. Listeners who did not have the FX channel began demanding that their cable company add it. By 2001 New York City and other markets finally got the FX channel. In late 2002 FX was well established thanks to avid Howard Stern fans demanding it. No longer needing Howard's listeners Murdoch cancelled Son Of The Beach despite it being their best rated show. The official reason given was that the channel wanted to compete against HBO and needed the budget to finance such shows as "The Shield". FX does not air reruns of the episodes nor has allowed it to be syndicated.

    #55] Doomsday


    THE PROJECT: Howard announced that his production companies second television show would be a post apocalyptic cartoon to air on UPN.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Doomsday was created by Howard's friend producer Tracy Torme. It followed the Bradley Family who after a devastating nuclear war decide to go on a road trip in their Winnebago looking for a new place to live that was not devistation. Of course they run into mutants and radiation created monsters along the way. Howard Stern had agreed to be the voice of the family's dog Orinthal who gains the ability to talk after the war. The show was scheduled to debut in the fall of 2000 but was held up in production for a year and was rescheduled to debut in either January or Fall of 2002. The shows were at least 90% completed with perhaps a couple of shows fully compleated when terrorists attaced the World Trade Center on September 11th 2001. UPN executives panicked that no one wanted to see a post apocalyptic series after witnessing the destruction of lower manhattan and in a nkee jerk reaction cancelled the series before it even aired. No other network wanted the series so it was abandoned.
  7. simon89 Full Member

    Erm...well...I think there are too many vacations as well.
  8. Erleichda Full Member


    Hey Simon, change you avatar immediately, ya limey queer.
  9. Stethacantus Full Member

    #56] Kane

    THE PROJECT: A sitcom about a wacky Southern family that is to replace "The Howard Stern Radio Show" in it's Saturday Night time slot. This would have been The Howard Stern Production Company's third show.
    WHAT HAPPENED: CBS was interested in syndicating the show. When they decided to cancel Howard's Saturday night show they had told him that they wanted to replace it with Kane. Howard waited and waited for CBS to buy the series but they never contacted him again. Eventually Howard declared the project dead and that CBS had no real intentions of airing the show. The deal for CBS to pick up Kane as a syndicated show began long before the cancellation of the Saturday night show. CBS most likely decided not to buy episodes of Kane after Howard trashed their president and chief executive Les Moonves on the air for cancelling his Saturday Night show calling him a "snake in the grass" and other unpleasant things. Howard contends that they never intended to air Kane and just strung him along for months. Between the cancellation of Son Of The Beach, the preemptive cancellation of Doomsday, and Kane never being picked up 2002 turned out to be a bad year for the Howard Stern Production Company.

    #57] Private Parts II

    THE PROJECT: Sequel to the 1997 hit film Private Parts
    WHAT HAPPENED: At the end of Private Parts Stuttering John shows up during the credits complaining that they ended the story before they got to the part where his character shows up. "I'm not even in this fucking movie! He says I'll be in the sequel What sequel?! Suppose this move sucks, then there won't even be any sequel!" More than ten years later and there still is no sequel. Clearly everyone thought that there would be a sequel back in 1997. The only question was if it would be called "Private Parts II" or "Miss America" after the second book. One of the problems was that Rysher did not sign any of the principals to a two picture deal obligating them to do a sequel. Howard felt that he wanted to do a different movie before he did the sequel. For a while he toyed with the idea of finally doing The Adventures Of Fartman. Then there was the possibility of him playing the Scarecrow in a Batman movie, then came the movie Jane. None of these movies were made and held Howard up for three years. In 1999 Howard separated from his wife Alison divorcing her in 2001. That same year Jackie Martling left the show over a salary dispute. This meant that the sequel would have him divorcing his wife, a topic he did not want to deal with, and having to work with Martling again during a time when he was still angry with him. Three years later John Melendez left the show meaning that if a sequel was made Howard would have to work with him again as well. More and more a Private Parts sequel was a film Howard wanted to avoid. Ivan also grew cold to the idea of a sequel. He allegedly had a fit when Howard announced his separation with Alison. The original movie was a love story. Now the sequel would be about Howard divorcing his wife and hooking up with a model. Still another reason why no sequel was made was that the first movie only made $41 million. Yes Paramount would have liked to do a sequel, but they were not dying to do a sequel they way they would with a blockbuster. And as of 2006 Howard is no longer working for Infinity/CBS Radio. The split was not amicable as CBS filed a lawsuit against Howard [ settled a few months later out of court ]. Since Infinity, CBS, Viacom, and Paramount are currently all the same company this means that Paramount is not particularly interested in working with Stern again. [ add to that the on air rants against Paramount executives for not releasing a deluxe version DVD for Private Parts. ] Still as improbable a sequel is right now it is not out of the question that a sequel could eventually be made.


    THE PROJECT: Howard's official website
    WHAT HAPPENED: Someone had registered the domain name and Howard did not want him using it. So he paid the person an unknown amount of money for the domain name. Originally Howard wanted nothing to do with owning a website and if you logged in to you would get a blank screen. One day someone had sent in a photoshop of Gary and Howard decided to put it on his website so his listeners with Internet access could see it. In July of 2004 Howard was talked into using the site to post recaps of that days show. In turn he decided to take advantage of the new advances in computer technology and build an entire site with picture galleries and video clips. In the fall of 2004 Howard created a message board for his site. So many listeners registered that the site crashed and Howard had to lease several extra servers to host the site. The problem was that too many listeners were using the message board that it was impossible to moderate. Howard became worried that he would be sued for allowing listeners to post copyrighted photos and removed the image hosting function. [ although many members knew how to get images hosted without the image hosting link. ] He was also worried about being sued for libel for something one of the board members posted. the last straw was when the site was besieged by trolls who posted the home address and phone numbers of various Wack pack members and perhaps even cast members from the radio show. Howard pulled the plug on the message board. Other websites adopted their own message boards so that the community started on Howard's website would have a new home, the most successful being this website. Although no longer having a fan forum continues to be a popular website and is still updated every day the show is on the air. It is also the only other project besides Son Of The Beach that Howard Stern Productions has seen completed.

    #59] Mr. Methane Live On Broadway


    THE PROJECT: Howard was going to produce a live stage show on Broadway starring the fartist Mr. Methane
    WHAT HAPPENED: Mr. Methane is a British entertainer who farts on command and has the ability to fart out tunes. During the early 00's he was a regular guest on the radio show. Howard had discussed many times wanting to do some sort of stage show on Broadway with Wack Pack members or regular guests and in 2002 began serious talks to do so with Mr. Methane. The reason it never happened? Basically Howard lost interest and never got around to it. More recently there was talk about doing a made for Howard TV movie using the Fartman script and casting Mr. Methane but the idea was never pursued.

    #60] Howard Stern's Jackass

    THE PROJECT: Howard said he was going to release a DVD of "Jackass" stunts done by his listeners.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Back in 1990 Howard had planned to release a video with a segment called "America's Grossest Home Videos" and had asked listeners to send in their own videos. Lawyers convinced Howard that it was not legal to use video of people injuring themselves and the segment was never made. Some of the videos that did not involve injury were later used for Butt Bongo Fiesta. In 2000 MTV began airing "Jackass", a show who's cast pulled stunts that injured them or caused them pain. When the first Jackass movie hit theaters Howard remembered the Americas Grossest Home Videos tapes that Lawyers told him he could never use and wondered why Jackass was able to do shows that featured basically the same thing. Howard decide he wanted to make a new DVD called "Howard Stern's Jackass" which would use the Americas Grossest Home Video tapes as well as new videos sent in by listeners and Wack Pack members. At some point Howard decided to make his version of Jackass an episode of his E! show. Inevitably it was decided only to use existing footage already shown on the E! show such as Beetlejuice and his manager trying to climb up a billboard and falling down, Jeff the Drunk falling down in the elevator bank, and A.J. Benza punching Stuttering John. No listener submitted videos were used in the episode.

    #61] Etiquette For Outlaws


    THE PROJECT: A reality show from Howard's production company based on the book "Etiquette For Outlaws" that would be shown on Showtime
    WHAT HAPPENED: Was never made and there is still no explanation as to why. Reality shows are relatively inexpensive to produce and usually do well in the ratings. You had a show based on a hit book produced and promoted by Howard Stern. Even if Showtime changed their mind and turned the show down some other cable network should have picked it up.

    #62] The ABC Interview Show

    THE PROJECT: Howard was going to interview celebrities and heads of state for ABC News in a series of specials
    WHAT HAPPENED: Howard kept saying that he was waiting for someone important to interview as the reason why he was not getting around to an interview show. But four years later and still not a single interview. Not much of a loss as Howard is already interviewing celebrities on his satellite show.

    #63] The Bob Schimmel Show

    THE PROJECT: Sitcom based on comedian Robert Schimmel's real life
    WHAT HAPPENED: The CEO of the WB network Jordan Levin was listening to Howard Stern on the radio when Robert Schimmel was a guest. Robert was on with his daughter talking about their home life and how he had fallen in love and hooked up with one of his daughters friends. The more Levin listened the more he began to realize that it would make a great sitcom. So he contacted Howard's production company and arranged for them to produce a show with Schimmel. A pilot was reportedly made and shown at the WB upfronts where it was rejected. [ at least that was the WB's explanation as to why the pilot was rejected. As it turned out Jordan Levin was about to be forced into resigning from the network which may have played into why a show that he helped create was not picked by the network. ] The pilot was immediately shopped around to different networks and was picked up by Fox under the new title "Schimmel & Schimmel" as a possible mid season replacement series. From that point on there is no explanation as to why the show never aired, although Howard has alluded that it could have been problems with Robert Schimmel.
    #64] E! Show Uncensored DVD

    THE PROJECT: A DVD box set of random episodes from the E! show shown uncensored.
    WHAT HAPPENED: It took longer than they expected to go through all the E! episodes to find all the ones where women stripped and language was bleeped. By the time the episodes were nearly completed Howard had signed with iN Demand and decided to use the uncensored episodes on Howard On Demand instead

    #65] Howard Stern TV / Howard Stern On Demand


    THE PROJECT: After the cancellation of the E! Show Howard announced that beginning with his Satellite shows he would be launching a pay-per-view channel on iN DEMAND
    WHAT HAPPENED: iN DEMAND is a service that allows viewers with digital boxes to download and watch programming. It is exclusive to Comcast, Cox Communications, and Time Warner Cable which means other cable services are unlikely to have it. In addition cable companies that have the service do not always have every channel. The technology is incompatible with satellite television. This means that a huge percentage of former E! channel viewers do not have or cannot get Howard Stern On Demand. For those who can subscribe to the channel there have been many complaints that programs are often missing or arrive late. typically daily shows are pulled from the system three weeks after their debut date while specials or vault episodes are only available for a month and a half. Subscribers [ me included ] have had to go through hell trying to contact both iN DEMAND and their local cable company to get missing content added. Currently my local cable company blames iN DEMAND for failing to send all their content while iN DEMAND blames the cable company for being lazy and not adding the content to the menus. There are also complaints about the system crashing and being down for many hours before technicians at the cable company get around to fixing the problem. One big complaint about the channel is that Howard is unwilling to pay for the licensing fee for music. That means that music guests shown on his iN DEMAND shows do not include the performances, even though through the entire interview you see them holding instruments. This also effects the game "Stump The Booey" where Gary and a contestant listen to the beginning of a song and both try to guess what it is. On the television version instead of hearing the song you here the jeopardy Baba Booey theme. On some occasions the artist owns the publishing rights to his/her music and gives Howard permission to use it on the show for free. On those occasions Howard does air the music performances.

    #66] The Howard Stern Annual Film Festival

    THE PROJECT: An annual film festival where listeners submit short films about Howard Stern. The best entries are shown and prizes are given out. In a separate category Stern Show cast members submit their own short films for competition.
    WHAT HAPPENED: A theater was booked but without Howard's knowledge it was only booked for three hours. It was not until the last minute when it was too late to find a different theater that Howard was told about this. Otherwise the festival was a success. Most of it including the finalists short films aired on Howard's iN DEMAND channel. A second annual film festival was planned but never happened.
    #67] Man Of The Year

    THE PROJECT: After it had been released Howard announced that he was originally asked to be the star of the movie "Man Of The Year"
    WHAT HAPPENED: Barry Levinson wanted Howard as the lead. Howard wanted to work with Barry Levinson. According to Howard he could not do the movie because it would have begun shooting at the same time he was scheduled to begin his Sirius shows.
    #68] Howard Stern: The High School Years

    THE PROJECT: Spike TV had asked Howard Stern Productions to produce a cartoon about his high school years.
    WHAT HAPPENED: A number of things. Spike originally planned to have a block of adult cartoons after 10pm. They already had "Gary the Rat", "Ren & Stimpy's Adult Party" and "Stripperella" airing when they ran into censorship problems. The television's rating board was going to classify the entire channel as adult out of fears that children would be drawn to the adult cartoon block. Spike put the cartoons on hiatus inevitably cancelling all of them in 2004. The block of adult cartoons no longer existed for Howard Stern: The High School Years to be a part of, and yet Spike continued to order episodes of Howard's cartoon. Once again production was delayed by nearly three years before they were ready to animate the episodes. Meanwhile Chris Rock created a live action show called "Everyone Hates Chris" which was exactly the same as "..The High School Years" making Howard's concept less desirable. Spike cut the budget per episode to $300,000 when it would cost Howard's production company nearly $1 Million an episode. Inevitably both sides agreed to cancel the project .

    Projects That have been delayed for years but Howard says he is still working on

    #69] Howard Stern's Porky's

    THE PROJECT: Howard Stern bought the rights to remake two movies from the early 80's. One of them is "Porky's"
    WHAT HAPPENED: Of all the stupid....
    Okay, I agree. "Porky's" is among the comedy classics of that era ranking somewhere between "Caddyshack" and "Animal House". But the movie had no plot. It was nothing but a series of short sex stories involving a group of teenagers in the 50's. Unless Howard is planning a shot-by-shot remake, which is pointless since the original version was flawless, then what he will end up with is a movie that is completely different but has the same title. He should have done what the producers of "American Pie" did. Basically "American Pie" is an update of the "Porky's" concept but with an original title, and they did not have to pay anyone for any movie rights. This movie project has two strikes against it. The original is a classic that is near impossible to top and has no plot that can be remade. It would be a miracle if any suitable script is ever written for this project, and a disaster if a lesser version of "Porky's" is made and released. Odds are this is never released with Howard Stern's name on it. Currently the script is in it's fifth rewrite [ at least ] as the first four scripts were rejected. Could possibly start production by fall of 2008, but that is being very optimistic

    #70] Howard Stern's Rock 'n' Roll High School

    THE PROJECT: The other movie Howard Stern bought the rights to remake.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Unlike the Porky's project the original "Rock 'n' Roll High School" had enough of a plot that a remake is possible. And the original movie sucked, so any remake could only be better. There is one huge problem and that is almost all of the Ramones are dead. The original movie revolved around a girl who was an obsessed Ramones fan, and when she stages a student revolt the Ramones show up at the school. You can't use the Ramones in the remake, and there are no current recording acts who are their equivalent. The last thing anyone wants to see is Howard Stern's Rock 'n' Roll High School starring the Jonas Brothers, but that is probably the sort of rock band that the studios will want in the remake. The script is currently being rewritten. The Howard Stern Production Company recently had it removed from Imdb so there is no proposed production date. According to a recent press releases from the Howard Stern Production Company the movie is currently being completely rewritten by Alex Winter who was Bill from the movie "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure"
    #71]Private Parts Ultimate Edition DVD

    THE PROJECT: the movie on a DVD with every extra you could imagine.
    WHAT HAPPENED: Going back to when Private Parts was originally released on home video Howard wanted to release a Laserdisc with deleted scenes. Enough deleted scenes exist from Private Parts that a second movie could practically be made. But Paramount released the no thrills version with no extras both on Laserdisc and later on DVD. Executives at Paramount were reluctant to release deluxe versions of their movies because they were very expensive to produce and they worried that if they released too many deluxe versions then all the directors would be demanding deluxe edition releases. Eventually Paramount began to see that DVDs with all the extras sold better than no thrills versions and changed their opinion. Today most Paramount DVDs are released as collectors editions with all the bells and whistles you could expect on a DVD. Unfortunately they also have a strategy of double dipping. Whenever a movie or television show has a cult following they will release a no thrills version first announcing there will be no collector's edition, then a year or more later the collectors edition does come out. They do this expecting fans of the movie or television show to buy both versions. Occasionally they release edited versions of movies or television shows and later release the uncut versions. Paramount is not the only company accused of doing this, but they are one of the biggest offenders. When they approached Howard to release a no thrills version of Private Parts on Blu-Ray Howard refused to allow it unless he got to release the extras he wanted on the disc. Paramount refused and both sides were at an impasse. When Private Parts celebrated it's 10th year anniversary it was completely out of print and Howard was so angry with Paramount that he did not give a crap. Howard has claimed that he repeatedly tried to buy the distribution rights to the movie from Paramount so he could put out his own DVD but each time they refused. So what would the Private Parts Ultimate Edition DVD have? The following...

    # The theatrical release of the movie
    # The television edit [ a.k.a. the USA Network version ]
    # The alternate longer version
    # Commentary from the cast and crew
    # All deleted scenes and outtakes
    # Every movie trailer
    # The music video "Hard Charger"
    # The "Making Of Private Parts" documentary
    # The MTV coverage of the premiere with the live concert
    # The MTV Screening room special
    # The E! show episodes from the premiere after party
    # Gallery of stills, lobby cards, movie posters, and promotional items

    And perhaps some of the following...

    # New making of documentary and interview with cast members 10 years later
    # The Private Parts E! Infomercial
    # E! Coverage of the premiere
    # A documentary on the Private Parts book including media coverage of the book signing tour
    # Clips from promotional appearances on shows like Letterman and Leno
    # Exclusive for the DVD, Howard and Rob Zombie finally film the "Great American Nightmare" video.
    # And there may as well be a video for the Dust Brothers "Tortured Man"
    # A documentary where Howard goes back to the film locations and possibly also back to the original neighborhoods and radio studios portrayed in the film.

    And if the DVDs come in a big goofy box or tin and costs $50 and up......

    # Reproduction of the original shooting script
    # Private Parts book [ most likely the paperback movie edition ]
    # Limited edition movie stills and/or senitype
    # The Private Parts Soundtrack Album CD
    # hand carved limited edition figurine of Howard standing among buildings like in the poster
    # A certificate of authenticity for the collector set saying the owner wasted $50+ on it.

    #72] Channel 9 Shows on DVD

    THE PROJECT: The now legendary Channel 9 shows in season box sets.
    WHAT HAPPENED: The same as with the Private Parts, Howard is still trying to buy the rights to his Channel 9 shows for release on DVD. And just like the situation with Paramount the executives at WOR refuse to sell Howard the rights. As was stated before there were two different edits of each episode. The shows put into syndication did not include the commercials Howard did for local businesses and replaced them with footage not seen on Channel 9. No one has ever seen a complete episode other than those who worked on the show. The last episode was entirely clips of sequences that were ultimately not used on the show and Howard mentioned on the air that even that show had to be edited for time. He mentioned that Steve Rossi had a song that was edited out of one of the shows that they were going to use on the final show, and when it ran over they ended up editing out the Steve Rossi song again. That suggests hours worth of footage that no one has ever seen and would make for a fantastic deleted scene section. Of course getting WOR to sell Howard the rights is half the battle. He would also need to clear any music used on the show, and getting releases from guests on the show [ For example Underdog Lady claims that she was on the show against her will and has since denounced it. It will be one hell of a time trying to get Suzanne Muldowney to sign a release and if she does not then all her segments including the entire Hollyweird Squares segment would have to be edited out of the episodes.. Richard Simmons could also be a problem. He wasn't very happy with what Howard did during his segments. ]

    Other Possible Projects That Howard Hinted He may Be Working On

    #73] Re-releasing Butt Bongo and the other mail order videos on DVD

    This would be nice as there was footage on all of those tapes that were not used. We are talking major deleted scene and outtake section. And it would be nice if he actually completed the 1990 video showing the complete backstage documentary for the Philadelphia funeral and the infamous hot tub incident with Jessica Hahn [ no problem. Both Jackie and Howard are now divorced from their 1990 wives. ] and the Americas Grossest Home Video segment with all the listener submissions.

    #74] Re-Releasing Crucified By The FCC

    It would be nice if it finally included the complete Christmas show.

    #75] Getting the rights to the FOX shows and releasing them on video or on Howard TV
    snoop30 and djmyself like this.
  10. tweeQim Probationary Member

    is it even legal by internets law to post a power point presentation on a message board?
  11. TinyTimsUkulele Full Member

    Great thread...Damn, I thought I knew my Howard history.
    JennyG likes this.
  12. Purity Knight Full Member

    Wow epic thread
  13. Grinspoon Full Member

    Lots of interesting stuff, good work
  14. dark1313star Full Member

    I've got this CD and had no idea it was taboo to Howard

    it's not that great but it has its moments
  15. TimbukTeeth Full Member


    youve really done your homework!!

    (ive been looking for 'on the road' forever)
  16. Leprikawn7 Full Member

    Wow that was impressive!
  17. ChadBo Full Member

    Very nice presentation with good content.
  18. MidGetEnvy Full Member

    Excellent job! A long read, but a lot of stuff I forgot since the 80's!!!
  19. rexx2294 Full Member

    Good work stethacantus. Someone should sticky this. :2thumbs:
  20. katenandrew Full Member

    ok now what? i commend your research abilities w/ visual aids.
  21. MoEl

    MoEl SFN Gold Supporter

    AMAZING POST, Stethacanthus. You should change (or add to) the thread title to more accurately reflect the incredible contents, to get more reader attention.
  22. Pussah2 Full Member

    I looked at this by accident. Holy shit. Wow. Change the title. Seriously. Great thread
  23. Georgie Jessel Full Member

    This is a major work of pop history, it should be on a permanent web page. Extremely well-researched and thorough (I think). BRILLIANT!
    JennyG likes this.
  24. Sooperman Full Member

    Great thread!

    Another project that Howard has discussed was that he was asked to be the voice of Frenzy in the Transformers movie but Howard had never heard of Transformers before and turned it down. Instead they used various audio clips and even had an advertisement for XM radio as a way to kinda jab back at Howard.
  25. Drameshff11 Full Member

    Holy crap this thread is amazing. So much info I never knew about.


    JennyG likes this.

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