SFN Short story contest.

we all win

pretty you are/were funny, like ever.

Pretend?

Dr. Ivan just told me the topic is "One night with Lois Burak."

i remember this vividly,

i was motoring along a county road and my petro supply depleted earlier than i expected,

fortunately for myself, i farmhouse was within sight.

no one home. no erotic tale.

true story,

the end.

One day I started posting on this Howard Stern website. People, out of nowhere starting calling me names. At first I was puzzled. I had never posted on site before so this was really new to me. "Did everyone post like this on websites?" At first, I would ignore and then I would say something silly but it persisted, so I said to myself "This must be the way people talk to each other on here!" So, I decided to UP the ANTE and really get down and dirty...Talk shit about their family and make fun of the fact that they are losers and possible pedophiles.....WELL ALL OF A SUDDEN, people got really upset. It was quite breathtaking. I was confused. I was wondering why the fun had stopped. BUT, even Howard Stern himself thought that most of the people on here were hating assholes. Even the owner of the site, Mutt, had to close it down. At this point all the people that were causing all the trouble left to some bullshit website because it wasn't "fun" over here anymore but in reality...it wasn't fun FOR THEM anymore because like in real life....they were eventually treated like the assholes they are. In the end, with the exception of a few lowlifes, the site actually got a lot better because people started choosing the threads they wanted to be in and left the other ones alone....like life.
The End.

I teared up at that one excellent writing!!!

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THE END..

Little story, about Nikki and Dan. Two Detroit skids, living in Mo land.

Dannys gonna be a, comedy star. Nikki debutant back seat, of Dannys car.


Sucking on Dannys dick, behind the tasty freeze..
Nikki sitting on Dannys face, he's got his ears between her knees.
Danny say, hey Nikki lets get a drink at the shady tree,
you can punch me in the face after stealing my keys..
and say a,,

Oh yeah, life goes on..
long after the Gimps, welfare is gone...

That might have been more appropriate for the poetry thread.

THE MAN WITH THE 158 IQ

A very long time ago in the cold cold land of Michigan lived a very jolly fat man named Fat Dan. He owned his own unlicensed car service driving people all over Michigan Dan was the town hero saving people from getting in their car drunk he was the guardian angel of the bar scene in that town. He would sit outside a couple of town bars and give some real wasted people rides home for half price and also offered to pick them up in the morning to so they can pick up their car. Well you see Fat Dan was the star of when it came to New Years Eve making sure all the drunken people got home safe.

When it came to Fat Dan’s personal life he was very depressed most women used him for his luxury car service he didn’t even know it he felt like a big stud and was so proud of himself for getting laid with every kind of skanky, sluty girl in town Fat Dan was the star once again Dan did have love once the mother of his love child. Dan was a wonderful father and provider he did everything for his family but one tragic day his beautiful baby momma woke and looked over at Fat Dan and just started screaming and screaming she lost it she ran into the kitchen grabbed a big knife and tried to kill poor Fat Dan. She was screaming how she wanted him deflated. So he called the police and had to have the poor, poor woman put away in a mental institution.

That was ok Dan moved on fast and met the another true love named Nikkerzz she was down and out on the streets smoking crack and drinking and turning tricks for money to support her crack habit. At fist Danny boy paid her for her services but he has such a big heart he could no longer use her like that so he invited her to stay with him and the gimp he would clean her up and make a new life for her. Fat Dan had all kinds of fun with Nikkerzz she was dynamo in the sack. Once again he was a shining star

Fat Dans big break in life was when he joined SFN he became really famous people all over the site were jealous of his talents he used the name Animal God and showed everyone his incredible intelligence, and his amazing cooking ability how could we be rubbing elbows with such a wonderful smart man. Dan no longer had to pull his own wiener he had lots of women knocking his door down just to yank it for him. He was dropping loads all over Michigan.

All Fat Dans good fortune was lost when his love Nikkerzz got arrested for selling crack on the corners of Michigan, The Gimp moved into a group home and his business crumbled when the state of Michigan came after him because he had no TLC License to run his business.

Poor Fat Dan took his own life he jumped in front of a speeding yellow taxi cab. The world will never be the same. RIP Fat Dan aka Animal God

Here is one of Fat Dan's Famous Quotes.

"I'm the greatest poster in SFN history confirmed by the mods. Which drives my jealous haters batshit crazy. I'm also very successful with my business and creative projects not to mention with the ladies. Tho I have only been here a short while I have some of the biggest threads in SFN history. I'm a published comedic writer/cartoonist and will be appearing on upcoming episodes of Hard Core Pawn and Auction Kings do to my treasure hunting abilities. Nikkerz is my ex-girlfriend/friend who posts here from time to time. We had a couple of epic breakups that others here still can't get over. Welcome friendo"

i forget what i meant, i was typing typing on the android, you know the rest

I connected the dots but I dont know what its supposed to be . . .

Fuck thats damn good. I hadn't even considered how many other people here would step up I just knew I could out write Diogenes with minimal effort. looks like I'm going to have to take this much more seriously. Ivan and Toronto have thrown out the official acceptable topics. I hope everyone gets in on the fun although I'm sure Diogenes will be far too fearful of being exposed as a fake yet again to participate.

yes, I am a total fake. I never wrote a thing in my life.

Show us some of your professional level skills bro. What do you have to be afraid of?

I have nothing to prove . . .

The mods have spoken these are the topics. Your story must incorporate at least one of them however loosely.

you have already proved yourself to be a complete wack job. how did that work out for ya amanda?

amanda...you wanna cyber???? you know you want to

I saw a sign on the church door that said “Short Daily Devotion at 8” and walked in.
Standing there at the podium was a midget in a cassock, and he was silently praying to empty pews.
Then, he noticed me come in the door, and looked up.
“Come in!” he said. “Come in!”
I walked in, took a seat at a pew, and he said “Come on up to the front row so I don’t have to shout, please?”
And we prayed. For two hours.
Sure, I could have left, but I didn’t want to be short with him.

Everyone get your entries in I hope to have mine up later today.

Stellar thread AG, this one is going to break some record for sure.